1. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR FACE.”
2. “I SPECIFICALLY ASKED FOR A BIRTHDAY MUFFIN, LAURIE. DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A BIRTHDAY MUFFIN TO YOU?”
5. “I’D RATHER EAT A LITERAL PIECE OF SHIT THAN YOUR PANCAKE, LAURIE.”
7. “THIS IS STORE BOUGHT, LAURIE. YOU THINK I CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE?”
8. “A SINGLE CANDLE?! BITCH, I SHIT OUTSIDE FOR YOU.”
9. “YOUR SINGING VOICE IS AN ABOMINATION, LAURIE. IT’S ABOUT TIME SOMEONE LETS YOU KNOW.”
12. “I KNOW YOU HAVE CHOCOLATE CAKE IN THE FRIDGE. GET OUT MY FACE WITH THIS GODDAMN BREAKFAST FOOD, LAURIE.”
13. “I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO ANYTHING FOR MY BIRTHDAY. NOBODY LISTENS TO ME IN THIS HOUSEHOLD.”
14. “THIS PANCAKE IS BURNT, LAURIE. I COULD SMELL YOU BURNING IT FROM OUTSIDE.”
15. “YOUR PANCAKES ARE A JOKE AND NOBODY HAS THE COURAGE TO TELL YOU.”
16. “I’M OUT OF CONTROL?! YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL! EVER THINK ABOUT THAT, LAURIE?!”
NOTE: This might actually be a cookie and also this woman is probably not even named Laurie.
- Zimbabwe park officials reported that Jericho, the brother of beloved lion Cecil, was shot and killed by a hunter. But some scientists monitoring the pride believe he is OK.