2. This tongue who doesn’t care what you want him to be, he will live his life as a taco — yes, a taco — because that’s what he feels like. OK?!
3. This tongue that can’t even remember the last time he cared at all.
4. This tongue that is TIRED of people bossing him around.
5. This tongue who will touch a butt if he damn well feels like it. He’ll touch five butts, he doesn’t care.
6. This tongue that is tired of this cow telling him where to spend his time.
7. This tongue that is sick and tired of hearing this pug’s jokes and puns and everything stupid this pug always says, and he is THROUGH.
8. This tongue who will fight her away out of this cat if it’s the last thing she ever does.
9. This tongue who knows what you say behind her back, and she will DEAL WITH YOU LATER.
10. This tongue that thinks he’s been told what to do for FAR TOO LONG.
11. And this tongue that thinks you shouldn’t underestimate what he’s capable of.
12. This tongue that decided to just pack up her things and leave while everybody was sleeping.
13. This tongue that knows she’s small, but if she wants to live her life as a tiny piece of ham, she will damn well do it.
14. This tongue that might look innocent, but he’s seen things… terrible things… things that have driven him to lose his mind.
15. This tongue that’s tired of this other tongue’s bullshit, frankly.
16. This tongue who is DONE with living in this household with all of its “responsibilities.”
17. This tongue who is enveloping this cat in another one of his drunken rages.
18. This tongue who’s been out drinking like five (maybe even six) nights every week for the past two months.
19. This tongue who doesn’t even know where it’s going, but IT IS GOING. IT IS OUT OF HERE.
20. This tongue who doesn’t even care anymore, to be completely honest. It. Doesn’t. Care.
21. This tongue knows you don’t approve of this relationship, but guess what? You don’t matter to him.
22. This tongue who’s just gonna lie here in a passive aggressive fit until you give him attention because that’s how this works.
23. This tongue who doesn’t give a single shit about what you think of him or his life.
24. This tongue who doesn’t care if you’ve heard this story a thousand times, he’s gonna tell it again, and you’re act like you like it.
25. This tongue who is SICK of being mocked and will NOT stand for it.
26. This tongue who would slap you in your face if it could.
- And President Obama actually made his daughters laugh at the annual White House turkey pardon. ›