14. The Cap:
Justin once wore a hat that actually fit, and no, this is not Photoshopped. It was the least worst of all the hats that he’s ever worn.
13. The Beanie:
Unless this hat keeps your head warm when it’s cold and cold when it’s warm (like Uggs!), there’s no need for this hat. Also it’s on all flipsy-flopsy, so that’s worrisome.
12. The Native:
We are now entering Giant Hat-ville — it’s scary, so I’ll hold your hand.
11. The Big Red:
I’M STILL HOLDING YOUR HAND. I understand the fear you are feeling because like me, you are now realizing there are three baby squirrels living under this hat.
10. The Big Red 2:
This is actually a different giant red hat, which is confusing! This one sits just barely on his head so that like all heads, if it grows rapidly and you have no time to change hats, it’s not a problem.
9. The Trucker Shocker:
This one is tie-dye and also mesh, so things are getting bad.
8. THE FEDORA:
THIS IS A FEDORA AND HAS ITS PLACE HERE FOR A REASON.
7. The Yellow Monster Part 1:
N-E-F-F. It’s an acronym: Never Eat French Fries. They will make your brain swell to extreme amounts, which will cause GHS (giant head syndrome) and you’ll be forced to wear this hat as punishment.
6. The Swaggy:
This is not actually a real hat but it’s a “swag hat.” When it goes on your head, you turn into a swag man — it’s cool!
5. The Hat That Just Wants to Live:
This hat is literally trying to escape Justin’s head and move to Guam.
4. The Kippah:
This hat is forced to be a yarmulke because the tidal wave of hair is pushing it back and saying, “You stay up there, OK?”
3. The Floater:
WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON HERE.
2. The Heat Stroke:
749 people died when they saw this hat.
1. AND THE WINNER: The Yellow Monster Part 2:
The winner, of course, was this hat. It made grown men cry and little girls poop their pants. If there was a reason for World War 3, this hat would be it.