The Official Ranking Of The Galaxies From Worst To Best

This list is absolute and cannot be changed or altered in any way for all of humanity.

15. Comet Galaxy

This galaxy sucks and I hate it. Look at it. It’s boring. It’s dull. It has no personality and probably hangs out with its grandma on Friday nights. Also REAAAALLLLLLL original name. COMET? Come on, that’s been used by other things tons of times, like COMETS.

14. Tadpole Galaxy

If this galaxy was a full-grown FROG, maybe I’d be interested. But tadpoles are just giant animal sperms. Not impressed.

13. Small Magellanic Cloud

*GAGS*

12. Large Magellanic Cloud

The only reason this is better than the Small Magellanic Cloud is because it’s bigger (hence the “LARGE”). But really it just looks like a bunch of stars hanging out in a crowded bar. And the name? Basically it’s just a LARGE CLOUD. Clouds are for SKIES, not for outer space.

11. Messier 81

They probably named this galaxy Messier 81 because it’s just a mess. A big. Hot. Mess. It’s not UGLY, but it’s definitely not a Victoria’s Secret model. It just looks like a big blob of glue. As far as galaxies go, it’s not the worst, but it’s FAR from the best.

10. Hoag’s Object

Now we are getting somewhere. Look at this, it looks like a fried egg. And I like fried eggs.

9. Andromeda Galaxy

Holy bananas things are really heating up. This galaxy has that umph. That pizzazz that you look for in a galaxy. And just by looking at it, you KNOW you’d get sucked into that hole.

8. Pinwheel Galaxy

Nice. I could get lost in this galaxy. This galaxy has pinwheels for days. Look at that spiral. It’s a good spiral. A real hot spiral.

7. Sunflower Galaxy

How can you not love the Sunflower Galaxy?! Just the name alone reminds me of roses and tulips. It’s a real treat to look at, and it’s so bright, like a light that’s just had a new bulb put in.

6. Hubble Interacting Galaxy

PENIS. Ahh, I needed to say it. OK, now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, we can really look and take in all the glory of this galaxy. The intricate star placement is really quite astonishing and hard to come by these days.

5. Messier 82

Even though the galaxy name has BEEN THERE, DONE THAT (remember Messier 81?), it has so much spunk that it ranks in the top five. Look at those red things that look like capillaries. This galaxy is like our human body. I FEEL ITS POWER.

4. Whirlpool Galaxy

Forget what I said about the Pinwheel Galaxy and its spirals because THIS is a true spiraled galaxy. And it’s named after the best refrigerators.* Also it looks like cinnamon roll. WELL DONE, GALAXY.

*Not actually named after Whirlpool refrigerators.

3. Sombrero Galaxy

WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAA. Not only is this galaxy unique looking, but it’s wearing a hat! No, wait, it LOOKS like a hat. Not just any hat, a SOMBRERO. This is the kind of galaxy you want to take on spring break and get drunk with.

2. Milky Way Galaxy

This is our galaxy (unless you are reading this from ANOTHER galaxy, in which case, DON’T EAT THE TUNA). ANYWHOO. This is our humble abode. Isn’t it pretty? We live here! We can show this guy off to our friends and brag about its abundance of beauty and life. (Yes, LIFE, we rule.) Somewhere in this galaxy you are sitting on your couch/bed/office chair/toilet. This is what’s outside. It would be number one, but you’ll see why it’s not.

1. Cartwheel Galaxy

BECAUSE THIS IS NUMBER ONE. LOOK AT IT. YOU ARE NOT ON ACID (or maybe you are and then I can’t even IMAGINE what it looks like). It’s like a piece of candy fell into space, grew and became a giant piece of candy in space. It’s amazing. It’s stupendous. It’s almost unbelievable. I want to marry it.

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