1. The couple who are so in love so that it’s incredibly awkward for everyone around.
This is the exact thing you really don’t want to see on social media.
2. The couple who had a terrible breakup and now can’t ever see each other.
All social events are now organised around ensuring that they’re separate at all times.
3. The couple who have had so many breakups, you can’t keep track.
They’re either about to break up, or have just broken up, or are in the very brief honeymoon where they’re happy again. Best to ignore them.
4. The couple who are planning their wedding ALL THE TIME.
You continue to have very limited opinions on flowers.
5. The couple with a pretty massive age gap.
6. The couple who are only together because they’re trying to save on rent.
“Oh you split all your bills? FUCK YOU.”
7. The couple who are only together because they’re both scared to be alone.
Life is hard.
8. The couple that you never actually see, thanks to all their events and networking.
The power couple, basically. They do all the stuff that you should do, but really, really don’t want to.
9. The couple who somehow have a marriage, a house, a child and are basically 39 already.
They use words like ‘braise,’ ‘mortgage,’ and ‘portfolio,’ and it’s all very odd.
10. The couple who are basically 89 already.
Up at 6:30, bed at 8:30, never go out. If they were old it would be sweet…but they’re not.
11. The couple who make absolutely no sense and you keep wanting to break up.
They argue all the time, have nothing in common, and it’s entirely possible it’s all some sort of conceptual art stunt.
12. The couple with an open relationship.
Emotionally mature people in functional shocker.
13. The couple who are in a band together.
They’re cooler and having more fun than you, but it will definitely go all Libertines in a few months.
14. The couple who are always on holiday in incredible places.
While you’re in the pub. And it’s cold.
15. The couple who’ve been together for so, so long.
No one can remember when they weren’t a thing.
16. The couple who are sleeping together and no one knows.
I mean, probably. It’s just a numbers game.
17. The couple who are sleeping together and everyone knows.
Still pretending to be secret, despite everyone knowing that they keep banging their genitals together.
18. The couple who are sleeping with everyone else.
It’s just annoying at this point.
19. The couple where you like one much better than the other.
“Yay, it’s you! Oh, and you…”
20. The couple you really wish you were one half of.
21. The couple who do marathons together.
They’re healthy, and they’re athletic, and they won’t stop Facebook-ing it.
22. The couple who met on Tinder.
I mean, it’s fine, obviously. But we all know why you were there in the first place…
23. The couple who are basically just drinking buddies.
But they always have someone to carry them home.