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Why You Should Never Date A Vampire

Friends don’t let friends date the undead.

1. OK, there’s a new vampire on your radar.

2. You’re thinking about asking him to prom.

3. Or at least to make out a bunch.

4. Believe me, I get the appeal.

5. They’re not like other guys.

6. But before you dive in, there’s a lot to consider.

8. It’s cute at first, but then it’s too much.

9. They start making impossible demands.

10. They expect too much of you.

12. They have terrible impulse control.

13. It WILL rub off on you.

15. With good reason. But still.

16. They’re not great with people.

18. They’re disdainful of normal human activities.

19. It’s not your fault they’re awkward.

20. They speak in dumb cliches.

21. And pout when they don’t get their way.

22. I mean, they get REALLY emotional.

23. And you do NOT want them crying on you.

24. Or they’re impossible to figure out.

25. They’re too close to their creepy families.

27. They have awkward boundaries with your friends.

28. You have to put up with their weird vampire politics.

29. They get off on being scary.

30. And they have this thing about watching you sleep.

31. Your fellow humans will never understand.

32. Because at the end of the day, they’re still vampires.

33. No matter how badly you want to believe that they’re good.

34. Things always get messy.

37. Sometimes they just can’t keep their fangs to themselves.

38. They might even end up killing you.

39. And look what you’re doing to the werewolf.

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