19 OMG Moments From This Week's "True Blood"

Vamp camp turns out to be a less-than-exciting summer destination, and Sookie learns the cold hard truth about her parents. MAJOR SPOILERS for "Fuck the Pain Away."

1. When Jessica kissed Bill.

HBO

Oh, sure, she was high on faerie blood, so it doesn't mean anything. It's still totally wrong and gross.

2. When Warlow told Sookie that he killed her parents to stop them from killing her.

HBO

She didn't believe him. Yet.

3. When Billith summoned Warlow.

HBO

Yep, that's apparently a thing he could do. Also, it appears that hurting Warlow hurts Bill, which — uh, we might want to jot that one down?

4. When one of Andy's faerie daughters turned out to be alive.

HBO

That's some shoddy killing, Jess.

5. When Tara and Eric turned themselves in.

HBO

After being such a dick to Pam this season, Eric's loyalty is kind of surprising, no?

6. When Pam encountered vampire camp's freaky experiments.

HBO

Vampires getting their fangs ripped out, vampires being forced to run on giant hamster wheels, and — oh, yes — vampires fucking at ridiculously high speeds. Because science!

7. When we flashed back to 3500 B.C.

HBO

Bless you for this insanity, True Blood. Incidentally, prehistoric times equal really bad wigs. It's kind of a rule.

8. When Jason and Sarah reconsummated their relationship.

HBO

Oh, Jason. I don't think that's going to make your gay Ben dreams go away. Sarah got the episode's best line: "I truly believe God wants me to fuck you." Amen.

9. When Alcide attacked his dad.

HBO

Insofar as it's possible to care about anything werewolf-related. How are you so boring, Alcide!

10. When Jessica and Sarah faced off against each other.

HBO

It was, well, really hot. But Jess lost and Sarah had her hauled off to camp. Reminder: not a fun camp!

11. When Eric had to fight his fellow vampires.

HBO

All part of Governor Burrell's fun and games. Anyway, Eric won, because of course he did.

12. When Terry asked his friend Justin to kill him.

HBO

Hey, what are friends for?

13. When Pam opened up to her therapist.

HBO

Honestly, I just didn't think she had it in her.

14. When we learned Sookie's parents were trying to kill her after all.

HBO

Which means Warlow was telling the truth about protecting Sookie that night. Which means it's totally OK to ship Sookie/Warlow again.

15. When Sookie's dad possessed Lafayette.

HBO

Poor Lafayette. He finally gets something to do on this show and it's being possessed by another character.

16. When possessed Lafayette put Sookie in the trunk.

HBO

Uh, Sookie's dad is an ASSHOLE.

17. When Lilith's original fate was revealed.

HBO

Warlow killed her in a gloriously cheesy flashback. Delightful.

18. When Eric and Pam had to fight to the death.

HBO

And the winner is... CLIFFHANGER. (But seriously, neither, please. Eric and Pam are two of the only reasons True Blood is still watchable.)

19. When Sookie got drowned.

HBO

Here's something not to do when your head gets shoved underwater: start screaming. Anyway, it's safe to assume Sookie survives — but she's going to have a lot of daddy issues to deal with.