1. Eat whatever the hell you want, no matter how odd it may seem.
Whatever the hell a “bean feast” is. If you want it, go for it.
3. Always be the first to introduce yourself. This shows poise and confidence.
(Also, saying your full name will help people remember who you are.)
4. Learn how to look as though you’re in charge — own it, and others will assume you are.
5. Remind yourself that when people are dicks, it’s just because they’re mad jealous of your awesomeness.
6. Have a sophisticated wardrobe.
7. When it comes to business or personal opportunities, always be the first in the door. It IS a race.
8. Call people “Daddy.” It’ll freak them out just enough that they’ll fear you and obey you.
9. Challenge authority. Just because someone read about it on the internet doesn’t mean that it’s true.
10. Never share bedrooms, beverages, clothing, hairbrushes…or anything, really. No good can come of it.
11. Make demands. What’s so wrong with being a woman who knows what she wants and asks for it?
NOTHING, that’s what.
12. Furthermore, don’t just ask for the bare minimum. No demand is too grandiose.
Ask for the whole goddamned world.
13. Never keep your emotions bottled up. If you’re angry, take it out on something.
14. Or just scream. Sometimes all you need is a good cry of exasperation.
15. Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back from accomplishing your dreams.
Not even Daddy.