1. In Season 4 of Blossom, there’s an episode called “Blue Blossom,” which aired in 1994.
2. In it, Blossom is in a bit of a funk. I remember this episode because it was like Blossom was talking about me.
3. And also because it was almost Blossom’s birthday. This is what I also plan on doing for my birthday.
4. Doesn’t this look like fun? Looks like a regular Saturday night to me…
5. But forget Blossom. There is some crazy shit going down in the Russo house. Shelly (right), the wife of Blossom’s brother Anthony, has a cousin (named Robin) visiting. Robin is not pleased.
6. Surprisingly, the laugh track is on during this entire scene.
7. And now Blossom has decided to address everything that’s wrong with America. In the next 22 minutes.
9. Wow, this is pretty unexpected from ’90s NBC.
10. Robin is finally able to resolve her issues with Anthony being white.
11. And they all lived happily ever after! Happy birthday, Blossom!
12. To review, things we have learned from this episode:
1. If you want people to know you are sad, read Sylvia Plath in a most ostentatious manner.
2. White people are the worst!
3. Racial tensions are totally solvable if we can just find a common ground…like alcoholism.