This 1971 Issue Of Teen Magazine Is So Disturbing

For all you “Fat Fannies” and “Hefty Hildas” out there.

Over at archive.org, someone has scanned and uploaded the entire March 1971 issue of Teen magazine.

It is very, very weird and here is why:

1. This cover, which isn’t so much disturbing as it is creepy…because you just can’t stop staring.

2. This letter from a girl who is pissed that a cripple has stolen her boyfriend.

3. This letter from a girl who totally has her head on straight. But definitely won’t any more after reading, “Fat is fun but lonely.”

4. This ad for a “Sweetheart Chest.” Which is basically a coffin where you store your relationship keepsakes.

You know. Like kitchen supplies.

5. This letter to the editor asserting that hitchhiking is totally fine. (And this was printed because…?)

6. This bearded girl ad.

7. This story about a hopeful young lad pursuing a career as an “animal photographer,” and how he wants to wear a bear suit to photograph the bears.

This is fiction. But still.

8. This girl with the eyelid problem.

9. This intro to an (already disturbing) dieting article in which readers are referred to as “Hefty Hildas” and “Fat Fannies.”

BRB, crying now.

10. This tactic for getting a friend to diet with you. You can’t just TELL them they’re fat, silly! You have to passively suggest that they’re fat.

11. This girl with enormous hands.

12. This ad for something called a “Slave Necklace.”

Nope. Never happening today.

13. This ad to get teen girls to join the army…which asserts that you don’t have to cut your hair when you enlist. Phew! Sign me up!

14. The suggestion of the illustration on this story. Oh god. Who is pregnant?

It’s actually a work of fiction, but is still a trip to Crazytown, USA. The main character is a jealous girl who has the hots for her teacher, who is a new dad.

15. This ad for an acne treatment. Apparently, acne causes children to drive their fathers crazy.

16. And finally, this incredibly insensitive hair dye ad.

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