15 Terrifying Vintage Thanksgiving Greeting Cards

Gobble, gobble, bitches.

1. What you tell children who are upset about eating a dead animal…he’s just gone to a “change of climate.”

2. Count those final “joyous” hours, dear turkey.

3. Humans: Always sayin’ one thing and eating another.

4. If you met a turkey as big as you, you’d be scared, too.

5. Take one last look at yourself, Mr. T.

6. What this turkey is trying to say probably won’t have much effect on the outcome of his future.

7. Here is a child wielding an impossibly large knife that his parents think is OK for their kid to use.

8. And here is another small, innocent child….about to commit bloody murder.

9. Seriously, what is it with children and axes? Do you not realize how it is CREEPIER to make a kid kill the turkey?

10. Here is a child appropriately scared by an angry bird.

11. This turkey is wearing pants. Why is this turkey wearing pants.

12. Those incredibly large utensils are freaking me out.

13. Children! No! Clearly, the parents of all the kids in these cards are off drinking mead and playing grown-up leapfrog.

14. This is what rich turkeys look like. Before they die.

15. Finally…it would appear that at least one turkey is putting these youths in their place. HAPPY THANKSGIVING, DWEEBS!

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