15 Terrifying Vintage Thanksgiving Greeting Cards

Gobble, gobble, bitches.

1. What you tell children who are upset about eating a dead animal…he’s just gone to a “change of climate.”

ID: 1938458

2. Count those final “joyous” hours, dear turkey.

ID: 1938463

3. Humans: Always sayin’ one thing and eating another.

ID: 1938468

4. If you met a turkey as big as you, you’d be scared, too.

ID: 1938502

5. Take one last look at yourself, Mr. T.

ID: 1938480

6. What this turkey is trying to say probably won’t have much effect on the outcome of his future.

ID: 1938675

7. Here is a child wielding an impossibly large knife that his parents think is OK for their kid to use.

ID: 1938482

8. And here is another small, innocent child….about to commit bloody murder.

ID: 1938526

9. Seriously, what is it with children and axes? Do you not realize how it is CREEPIER to make a kid kill the turkey?

ID: 1938539

10. Here is a child appropriately scared by an angry bird.

ID: 1938497

11. This turkey is wearing pants. Why is this turkey wearing pants.

ID: 1938544

12. Those incredibly large utensils are freaking me out.

ID: 1938506

13. Children! No! Clearly, the parents of all the kids in these cards are off drinking mead and playing grown-up leapfrog.

ID: 1938513

14. This is what rich turkeys look like. Before they die.

ID: 1938519

15. Finally…it would appear that at least one turkey is putting these youths in their place. HAPPY THANKSGIVING, DWEEBS!

ID: 1938701

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