Here’s what you need to know about the 1989 movie Teen Witch:
1. It is about a teenager who is also a witch.
2. It had a budget of $2.5 million. Its total gross: $27,843.
3. It featured the coolest kids you’ll ever meet—these three dudes who produced the most embarrassing rap song of all time, “Top That.”
Now, please join us for a comic analysis of this piece of musical excrement:
2. Cool gear.
I’m dying to know—are they listening to a tape or the radio?
3. Cool outfits and all the latest dance moves.
This is just a cornucopia of sartorial delights: rolled capri jeans, suspenders, man-tanks, man-vests, man-pastels.
8. But they’re macho, macho men.
Attempt to show dominance over the females by assuming a frozen, posed position.