If "Friends" Had A Scented Candle Line

Could this aromatherapy BE any better?

1. English Trifle

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Fragrance profile: A mix of fresh green peas, aromatic country raspberries, and woodsy sautéed beef.

Great if you like the smell of: Feet

2. Yemen Splendor

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Fragrance profile: Undertones of musty perspiration are layered with sharp, ultra-feminine funk. Like imitation White Shoulders.

Great if you like the smell of: Commitment-phobia.

3. Breast Milk

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Fragrance profile: Notes of cantaloupe melon and soft powder.

Great if you like the smell of: Juice freshly squeezed from a person.

4. Velvet Java

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Fragrance profile: Essence of Columbian coffee, topnotes of blueberry crumble, and a heavy body reminiscent of old velvet fabric.

Great if you like the smell of: The '90s.

5. Holiday Armadillo

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Fragrance profile: A powerful medley of multiple seasonal spices.

Great if you like the smell of: An inter-faith household.

6. Powdered Leather Musk

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Fragrance profile: Base musty leather tempered by soft baby powder and fragrant body lotion.

Great if you like the smell of: Desperation.

7. Freshly Mopped Floor

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Fragrance profile: A robust blend of bleach, ammonia, Windex, and disinfectant.

Great if you like the smell of: An apartment so clean, it's creepy.

8. Urban Farm

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Fragrance profile: Notes of fresh grass combined with earthy game and male body odor.

Great if you like the smell of: Male camaraderie and/or incompetence.

9. Fragrant Feline

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Fragrance profile: Hints of seafood and excrement with an after-note of feline flatulence.

Great if you like the smell of: Smelly cat.