1. Any time a cop stops you, you’d just offer a sheepish smile and move on.
2. People would be totally honest. You’d never again wonder why he didn’t text you back.
3. This man would be your biggest fan.
4. Getting rid of annoying people would be as easy as this. And you’ve always wanted to do this.
5. Folks would make fun of old people. And old people are hilarious.
6. People would actually say out loud the things they’re thinking.
7. In moments of loneliness, you could find comfort in a substitute companion like this stuffed, headless human form.
9. People might burst out of cakes and pieces of it might land on your face.
10. Hey, guess what? This guy is a movie star! And he’ll fall in love with you, Normal Girl.
11. In this man’s eyes, you’d always be just slightly older than 16. And it wouldn’t even be creepy!
12. If you got a job as a fashion model, you wouldn’t even have to walk the catwalk, you’d just pretend to be a statue.
13. You could make out in front of your friends.
In The News Today
- With head clerk Kim Davis jailed, Rowan County issued several marriage licenses to same-sex couples today. ›
- After mounting pressure from other European countries, Britain will accept thousands more refugees from UN camps bordering Syria. ›
- A drowned Syrian boy, whose picture caused outrage around the world, has been buried together with his mother and 5-year-old brother. ›