13. Imperfect Baked Goods
Your heart didn’t look exactly like a heart? Whatever, it’s still very delicious.
12. Love Poem
I wanted to say something sweet
Something you’d think was really neat
And what better way to make it rhyme
Because that trick works every time
Trust that this comes from the heart
Even though my prose is a fart
11. Something Fancy (and Impersonal)
It’s OK to love it when someone spends exorbitant amounts of money on you.
10. Heart-Covered Underwear
These are plenty cheeky for February, but they just look strange in July.
9. A Stuffed Animal (That’s Not a Bear)
Anything that’s not a stuffed bear just wishes it were one.
8. A Detailed Card Written by Someone Else
Sure! True love is like a roller coaster that we’re both on together always and forever! Thanks! OK! And you signed it! Great!
7. Romance Novel
Here’s some fiction to help deal with a mundane reality.
Bags of helium that are just waiting to explode. Their one upside? You can inhale them to make a funny voice.
5. An Oversized Stuffed Animal
Sure, it’s an adorable bear, but there can be too much of a good thing. Does it do more than just take up space? Will it pay rent? Can it sign for your packages?
4. Straight-Up Cash
This isn’t bad from a family member, but when it’s coming from your significant other, it just feels… wrong.
3. A Gift That’s Clearly for the Giver
“We can go to this thing that I love — but you hate — together!”
2. Candy Hearts
Compressed chalk with food coloring and nonsense words. Greaaaaaaaat.
An excuse is not a present. :-(