Prepare To Be Mesmerized By One Of The Worst Calls In Baseball History

I say this with full awareness that baseball is over a century old. Trust me.

1. Friday evening, an MLB umpire elevated this Mariners-Rangers outing from routine ballgame into paradoxically cruel metaphor for human life. It all happened on this “double play.”

2. Did that look like a regular double play to you? Look again. First baseman Mitch Moreland reaches out for the throw from second, at which point the ball is stolen by pitcher Justin Grimm.

3. Grimm obviously and inexplicably swipes the ball away before Moreland can reach it. Ump don’t care. Ump’s like, “Great reach, what did you guys think of that Gatsby flick, idk.” THE UMP CALLED THE RUNNER OUT.

4. It gets even better. Even if Grimm hadn’t intercepted the throw for no godly reason other than that he could, Moreland’s foot came off the bag — meaning that Mariners hitter Jesus Sucre should’ve been safe regardless.

5. Let this serve as a lesson. Life isn’t fair. We’re all subject to the manias of quantum chance. Everything that can possibly happen will, or won’t. And one day, you’ll be called out through no fault of your own.

The Rangers won by four. Remember, boys and girls: stay in school, don’t do drugs, and hope your umpires have eyes.

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