Jay-Z Made A Terrible Song Solely To Whine About Some Brooklyn Nets Executives

Dude, you do not have my sympathy.

Hey, look! It’s Jay-Z, a rapper and mogul and wearer of hats, smoking a Cuban in Cuba!

Ramon Espinosa / AP

Anyway, you might have heard that Jay-Z is selling off his microscopic share in the Brooklyn Nets so he can pretend to represent athletes as a sports agent while real agents do all the work. And he’s released a song with some FEELINGS about that.

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Here’s more on him selling his share.

First of all, the song is a barely-rapped, mumbly crawler over a beat that Timbaland probably made when he was asleep in 1998. And Swizz Beatz is just there, yelling, for no reason. The song isn’t just stupid and annoying — it’s also BORING, which is the number one sin you can commit if you’re trying to make a diss track.

And then, there’s this line.

Mario Anzuoni / Reuters

Oh, Jay-Z, I’m so sorry you made a Shah’s ransom off of the Nets turning you into the team’s unofficial mascot, at minimal expense to you, and then we’re able to seamlessly exit exactly when you wanted to. That sounds HORRIBLE. And this barb is so vague it could be talking some falafel vendor in Fort Greene who forgot the God MC’s tzatziki sauce.

I mean: this is a dude who destroyed Prodigy’s career and almost buried Nas, one of the greatest rappers ever, with a diss track.

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Old Hov would’ve ethered “Open Letter” himself.

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