Hey, look! It’s Jay-Z, a rapper and mogul and wearer of hats, smoking a Cuban in Cuba!
Ramon Espinosa / AP
First of all, the song is a barely-rapped, mumbly crawler over a beat that Timbaland probably made when he was asleep in 1998. And Swizz Beatz is just there, yelling, for no reason. The song isn’t just stupid and annoying — it’s also BORING, which is the number one sin you can commit if you’re trying to make a diss track.
And then, there’s this line.
Mario Anzuoni / Reuters
Oh, Jay-Z, I’m so sorry you made a Shah’s ransom off of the Nets turning you into the team’s unofficial mascot, at minimal expense to you, and then we’re able to seamlessly exit exactly when you wanted to. That sounds HORRIBLE. And this barb is so vague it could be talking some falafel vendor in Fort Greene who forgot the God MC’s tzatziki sauce.
I mean: this is a dude who destroyed Prodigy’s career and almost buried Nas, one of the greatest rappers ever, with a diss track.
Old Hov would’ve ethered “Open Letter” himself.