1. “Hey uh look what I found (grumble grumble)”
2. Lifelong Penguin Mario Lemieux always wondered when he’d get to meet his bosses
3. Athletes Advocating For Adorable Animals
5. “What do you MEAN there aren’t any skates in my size?” “Sorry, dog.”
This is Patrick Eaves, by the way.
6. “Nice teeth, Beluga whale,” said the Atlanta Falcons.
10. Does Pikachu count as an animal? Does the Phillie Phanatic count as an athlete? Sure!
12. Apparently, when players sign with Benfica, they have to hold this eagle. Pablo Aimar’s like, “What up, eagle.”
13. The Astros might be baseball’s worst team, BUT THEY HAVE A PET CALENDAR
14. “My name is Evgeni Malkin, and I prefer being big spoon. Especially with lions.
15. Back when athletes’ salaries were lower, Catfish Hunter used to freelance as a ringleader at Barnum and Bailey’s circus.*