52 Lies Children’s Books Told You Growing Up

When you turn 11, you’ll get your Hogwarts acceptance letter. NOT.

Flickr: Abhi Sharma / Via flic.kr

1. If you’re well-behaved, you can live inside of a chocolate factory.
2. Your amazingly perfect first grade teacher will legally adopt you.
3. Everything else in the world goes to sleep when you do.
4. Caterpillars only eat in perfect circles.
5. Cats live in hats.
6. The best real estate in NYC is actually fruit.
7. Trees will talk to you and become your friend.
8. When you turn 11, you’ll get your Hogwarts acceptance letter.

9. If you collect enough pebbles, you’ll find a magical one that will grant you wishes.
10. You can run away from home to live in the Met.
11. There’s an entire community of ant-sized people who live under the floor-boards of your house.
12. People who are ugly on the inside look ugly on the outside.
13. The back of your wardrobe will lead you to Narnia.
14. The families you babysit will bring you and your four best friends along on their vacations.
15. Toys are living things with emotions.
16. Your stuffed animals come alive when you’re not around.
17. Day and night are controlled by a man who walks around the planet turning a lamp on and off every few moments.

18. If someone has wavy hair, it’s because their head is wavy.
19. A really cool giant is responsible for your dreams.
20. Happy thoughts and fairy dust are all you need to fly.
21. You can be a mystery solving detective when you’re a teenager.
22. If you sign a document with your left hand instead of the right, it won’t legally count.
23. Animals can talk, and have whole societies and worlds of their own.
24. Your school bus won’t just drive you to school, it’ll also fly you around on adventures.
25. It’s not hard to get out of jams, just slide down a clothing line.
26. Carrots and celery are just as fun to eat as candy when you go to the movies.

Penguin Books / Via 26.org.uk

27. Going to the doctor is actually fun.
28. Bad luck is hereditary, especially if your great-great-grandfather is cursed.
29. The mice you find in your house scoot around on motorcycles.
30. Drinking mystery potions can help you shrink.
31. You can swallow a live turtle and still survive to tell the tale.
32. You’ll get invited to mad tea parties.
33. If you lose when playing a board game, you’ll get trapped inside of it.
34. Hearts can physically grow when someone tells you they love you.

35. If you put tiny action figures in a magic cupboard they’ll come to life.
36. You can fly around on your bed if you tap your bedknob three times and turn it a quarter to the left.
37. Eggs and ham are green.
38. A rich millionaire will save you from your woes and take care of you someday.
39. If you cook your pasta for too long, it can flood and bury your entire town.
40. You can create your own world by drawing it with a purple crayon.
41. When you get in trouble and sent to your room, your bedroom will transform into the jungle where you’ll meet lots of friendly monsters.
42. You can reach the moon if you stand on enough turtles’ shoulders.
43. Spiders are friends with pigs and have each other’s backs.

44. Having a photographic memory means you can be a helpful detective.
45. When you drive through tollbooths, you’ll be magically transported to new kingdoms.
46. If you click your heels three times and repeat, “There’s no place like home,” then that’s where you’ll be.
47. During the winter, animals hibernate inside of lost gloves and mittens that are left outside.
48. Toy bears live in the woods and love eating honey.
49. Bulls would rather smell flowers than fight in bullfights.
50. There are walled cities where everything is fake and made of plastic.
51. If you give a mouse a cookie they’ll want a glass of milk, too.
52. The sky rains meatballs.

Simon & Schuster / Via en.wikipedia.org

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