68. Saint Louis University Billikens
An American illustrator created Billikens in the early 1900s. Too bad a chubby little elf baby won’t scare anyone on the basketball court.
67. Massachusetts Minutemen
Named after the highly trained, quick-responding American militia of the Revolutionary War, the Minutemen are actually pretty dope…but then, Missy Elliott.
64. Iowa Hawkeyes
Hawkeye was a nickname of the Delaware tribe and for the state of Iowa, but it’s also just part of the anatomy of a bird.
60. Louisville Cardinals
Thank God the team is good, because tiny red-winged birds don’t really make anyone piss their pants.
55. American Eagles
Flesh-eating national bird. Kinda intimidating. Staple store in malls across the United States. Not so much.
51. Providence College Friars
And friars are practically saints (like, in terms of godliness, not athletics.)
47. Wichita State Shockers
Another name for wheat harvesters, shockers are only shocking when you don’t see them coming. From behind.
46. New Mexico State Aggies
Aggies are short for agriculture and the most terrifying thing agriculture can do is famine. Which, admittedly, is frightening.
45. Manhattan Jaspers
Brother Jasper was the school’s first Athletic Director, and Catholic priests don’t exactly make you think FEARSOME ATHLETIC ABILITY.
44. Louisiana Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns
If you don’t like spicy food, then this team is the most formidable thing ever.
43. Wisconsin Badgers
Badgers.. meh…honey badgers, different story.
41. Dayton Flyers
Named after the Wright Brothers’ invention, the logo designers couldn’t even draw a plane, let alone be the first to fly one.
38. North Carolina Tar Heels
Nicknamed for North Carolina’s historically important export, now it’s just makes you think of a foot.
37. Virginia Cavaliers
Cavaliers were King Charles I supporters who had flowing ringlets of hair and elaborately trimmed clothing. Sorry, not scary.
25. Western Michigan Broncos
Bronco is another name for a feral horse, and feral horses are kinda fearsome.
23. North Dakota State Bison
Bison is the real name of American Buffalo, so everything state above applies here.
22. Mount St. Mary’s Mountaineers
If you know how to use an ice pick and are willing to venture to places where you need an oxygen mask to breathe, you’re pretty badass.
21. Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks
Lumberjacks know how to use axes and can bring down massive trees.
19. BYU Cougars
Cougars, a.k.a. mountain lions, are pretty fierce creatures. Cougars, a.k.a. older women who prey on younger men, even more so.
18. Florida Gators
At any given time, an alligator has about 80 teeth in its mouth that will shred you into human jerky.
16. UCLA Bruins
Bruin is the Old English word for brown bears and brown bears have big claws and teeth.
13. Michigan Wolverines
Wolverines have a reputation for being able to kill a prey many times its size.
9. Milwaukee Panthers
Panthers are basically various breeds of large cats that are black in color, which allows them to camouflage really well at night. Stealthy predators.
8. Pittsburgh Panthers
Even when a panther is at rest, it’s probably carefully plotting your demise.
7. Xavier Musketeers
Musketeers had guns — albeit, really shitty, old-timer guns, but still guns. Also, the Three Musketeers were cool, though they were better swordsmen.
6. San Diego State Aztecs
At birth, Aztec baby boys had a shield placed in one hand and an arrow in the other. Their umbilical cords were then buried with those items by a respected warrior to symbolize the rising of a warrior. That’s hardcore.
5. Michigan State Spartans
Spartans were one of the most feared military forces of the ancient world.
4. Tulsa Golden Hurricane
Hurricanes are terrifying if you’ve ever watched the news or lived through one.