marchmadness

The Definitive Ranking Of All 68 March Madness Teams Based On The Fierceness Of Their Names

What’s in a name really? In this case, everything.

68. Saint Louis University Billikens

 

An American illustrator created Billikens in the early 1900s. Too bad a chubby little elf baby won’t scare anyone on the basketball court.

67. Massachusetts Minutemen

http://en.wikipedia.org:wiki:File-Minute_Man_Statue_Lexington_Massachusetts_cropped.jpg

 

Named after the highly trained, quick-responding American militia of the Revolutionary War, the Minutemen are actually pretty dope…but then, Missy Elliott.

66. Delaware Blue Hens

 

Don’t be a chicken. HA. HA.

65. Ohio State Buckeyes

 

Nuts. Grr.

64. Iowa Hawkeyes

polandeze : Creative http://Commons.jpg

 

Hawkeye was a nickname of the Delaware tribe and for the state of Iowa, but it’s also just part of the anatomy of a bird.

63. Syracuse Orange

Helmuts Guigo / Creative Commons

 

Unless you’re afraid of citrus and bright colors, orange is NOT intimidating.

62. Harvard Crimson

 

Oooh, red. So aggressive.

61. Stanford Cardinal

 

More killer colors!

60. Louisville Cardinals

Henry McLin / Creative Commons

 

Thank God the team is good, because tiny red-winged birds don’t really make anyone piss their pants.

59. Creighton Bluejays

warriorwoman531 : Creative http://Commons.jpg

 

See: Cardinals, replace red with blue.

58. Oregon Ducks

archer10 (Dennis) / Creative Commons

 

Could quacking be considered a battle cry? Absolutely not.

57. Kansas Jayhawks

Shutterstock / bradwilke / Creative Commons

 

Made up animal. Whatever.

56. St. Joseph’s Hawks

bradwilke / Creative Commons

 

Like an eagle, but smaller.

55. American Eagles

 

Flesh-eating national bird. Kinda intimidating. Staple store in malls across the United States. Not so much.

54. North Carolina Central Eagles

Matt Drobnik / Creative Commons

 

#ShakeYourTailFeather

53. Nebraska Cornhuskers

CIMMYT / Creative Commons

 

Cornhuskers seems like sweet people.

52. Tennessee Volunteers

 

Volunteers are definitely nice.

51. Providence College Friars

J. Chris Vaughan : Creative Commons

 

And friars are practically saints (like, in terms of godliness, not athletics.)

50. Coastal Carolina University Chanticleers

raymondgobis / Creative Commons

 

Chanticleers are just glorified alarm clocks.

49. Wofford Terriers

bubbashark / Creative Commons

 

Anyone who owns a terrier knows how terrifying they think they are.

48. Gonzaga Bulldogs

arbyreed : Creative Commons

 

All bark, no bite.

47. Wichita State Shockers

One Day Closer / Creative Commons

 

Another name for wheat harvesters, shockers are only shocking when you don’t see them coming. From behind.

46. New Mexico State Aggies

Ghonllier / Creative Commons

 

Aggies are short for agriculture and the most terrifying thing agriculture can do is famine. Which, admittedly, is frightening.

45. Manhattan Jaspers

 

Brother Jasper was the school’s first Athletic Director, and Catholic priests don’t exactly make you think FEARSOME ATHLETIC ABILITY.

44. Louisiana Lafayette Ragin’ Cajuns

J. Chris Vaughan : Creative http://Commons.jpg

 

If you don’t like spicy food, then this team is the most formidable thing ever.

43. Wisconsin Badgers

hehaden / Creative Commons

 

Badgers.. meh…honey badgers, different story.

42. Cincinnati Bearcats

 

This South/Southeast Asian critter looks like he’ll eat your lunch.

41. Dayton Flyers

Hulton Archive / Getty Images

 

Named after the Wright Brothers’ invention, the logo designers couldn’t even draw a plane, let alone be the first to fly one.

40. George Washington Colonials

 

Interesting? Yes. Intimidating? Maybe to Redcoats.

39. Oklahoma Sooners

Hulton Archive / Getty Images

 

Sooners were early Oklahoma settlers. They will dominate…this land.

38. North Carolina Tar Heels

 

Nicknamed for North Carolina’s historically important export, now it’s just makes you think of a foot.

37. Virginia Cavaliers

 

Cavaliers were King Charles I supporters who had flowing ringlets of hair and elaborately trimmed clothing. Sorry, not scary.

36. Eastern Kentucky Colonels

John Olson / Time & Life Pictures / Getty Images

 

Aaaaand their mascot even dresses like Colonel Sanders.

35. Virginia Commonwealth Rams

Gerard Stolk (vers le Midi-Carême) / Creative Commons

 

Rams have massive horns and massive horns = not to be messed with.

34. Texas Longhorns

Tom Haymes / Creative Commons

 

Same goes for longhorns.

33. Kentucky Wildcats

arbyreed / Creative Commons

 

Meow.

32. Villanova Wildcats

jackyczj / Creative Commons

 

PURR.

31. Arizona Wildcats

Derek Bridges / Creative Commons

 

Hiss.

30. Weber State Wildcats

 

RAWR.

29.

Willard / Creative Commons

 

Yawn.

28. Connecticut Huskies

rapettif / Creative Commons

 

Huskies, awesome sled-pullers.

27. Albany Great Danes

Life Lenses / Creative Commons

 

Really big ofie-looking pups.

26. Cal Poly Mustangs

bambe1964 / Creative Commons

 

Can run like the wind.

25. Western Michigan Broncos

 

Bronco is another name for a feral horse, and feral horses are kinda fearsome.

24. Colorado Buffaloes

bubbashark / Creative Commons

 

Buffaloes are humongous and pretty ugly/majestic.

23. North Dakota State Bison

mfmb_bentley / Creative Commons

 

Bison is the real name of American Buffalo, so everything state above applies here.

22. Mount St. Mary’s Mountaineers

ashokboghani / Creative Commons

 

If you know how to use an ice pick and are willing to venture to places where you need an oxygen mask to breathe, you’re pretty badass.

21. Stephen F. Austin Lumberjacks

oklanica / Creative Commons

 

Lumberjacks know how to use axes and can bring down massive trees.

20. Oklahoma State Cowboys

Haole Punk / Creative Commons

 

More rugged the the Marlboro man without the tobacco sticks.

19. BYU Cougars

David441491 / Creative Commons

 

Cougars, a.k.a. mountain lions, are pretty fierce creatures. Cougars, a.k.a. older women who prey on younger men, even more so.

18. Florida Gators

Steve Selwood / Creative Commons

 

At any given time, an alligator has about 80 teeth in its mouth that will shred you into human jerky.

17. Baylor Bears

gainesp2003 / Creative Commons

 

Bears. ‘Nuff said.

16. UCLA Bruins

longhorndave / Creative Commons

 

Bruin is the Old English word for brown bears and brown bears have big claws and teeth.

15. Mercer Bears

U. S. Fish and Wildlife Service - Northeast Region / Creative Commons

 

And I wanna hear you ROAR.

14. New Mexico Lobos

mikec_905 / Creative Commons

 

Spanish wolves. Super cool.

13. Michigan Wolverines

Marie Hale / Creative Commons

 

Wolverines have a reputation for being able to kill a prey many times its size.

12. North Carolina State Wolfpack

Cocoabiscuit / Creative Commons

 

Afraid of the big bad wolf? How about a whole pack?

11. Texas Southern Tigers

GavinBell / Creative Commons

 

Tigers are the biggest species of the cat family.

10. Memphis Tigers

Zeeshan Nashir / Creative Commons

 

This tiger is leaping. Therefore, scarier.

9. Milwaukee Panthers

sometimesong / Creative Commons

 

Panthers are basically various breeds of large cats that are black in color, which allows them to camouflage really well at night. Stealthy predators.

8. Pittsburgh Panthers

danbodstein / Creative Commons

 

Even when a panther is at rest, it’s probably carefully plotting your demise.

7. Xavier Musketeers

 

Musketeers had guns — albeit, really shitty, old-timer guns, but still guns. Also, the Three Musketeers were cool, though they were better swordsmen.

6. San Diego State Aztecs

 

At birth, Aztec baby boys had a shield placed in one hand and an arrow in the other. Their umbilical cords were then buried with those items by a respected warrior to symbolize the rising of a warrior. That’s hardcore.

5. Michigan State Spartans

 

Spartans were one of the most feared military forces of the ancient world.

4. Tulsa Golden Hurricane

smiteme / Creative Commons

 

Hurricanes are terrifying if you’ve ever watched the news or lived through one.

3. Iowa State Cyclones

Fadil Basymeleh / Creative Commons

 

Cyclones are also horrifying. Natural disasters are no joke.

2. Duke Blue Devils

 

Um, Satan is the pretty much the most terrifying entity ever.

1. Arizona State Sun Devils

 

Like, ever. Period.

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