23 Unknowable Mysteries About Drinking Straws

You think you know. But you don’t know.

1. Why are the McDonald’s straws SO wide?

Courtesy of Revolution Films

Look how hard you’re making it for poor Alan Rickman to get his mouth around this straw.

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2. How do you wash these?

Seems kind of unsanitary, right? You can’t really wash them, just rinse them out with water.

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3. Why do bodegas insist on giving you a straw and bag for a soda you’re clearly going to drink immediately?

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4. Wouldn’t these trendy new cardboard straws get all damp and gross?

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5. Are you supposed to drink from the cocktail straw? If not, what do you do with it? Let it hit you in the nose?

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6. And if there are 2 drink stirrer-straws, do you drink out of both?

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7. Was this ever an issue people struggled with? Using straws in cans is bad anyway.

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8. There is NO way this is possible, right? You couldn’t stick a straw into a thick orange peel like this. Hasn’t this always driven you nuts?

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9. How hard did you wish this actually worked as a kid?

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10. What holds together the seam on the wrapper? Glue? Is it just pressed?

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11. How does a straw “worm” work?

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Ahh, straw worm, reveal your secrets!

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12. Why does anyone use bendy straws in soda when it definitely makes it flatter by the time it gets to you mouth?

It fizzes it right it passes through, making it flatter by the time it gets into your mouth.

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13. How are you supposed to get the salt from around the rim of a margarita if you use the straw?

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14. Why is it so much fun to blow the straw wrapper off in your friend’s face?

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15. Why aren’t these things everywhere? These are GREAT!

I feel like you only see these cool straw holders at Johnny Rockets.

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16. Who thought this was a good idea? This just means you can’t finish the very end of your slurpee.

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17. Have these ever worked for anyone? You just end up with a giant mouthful of air before any liquid gets in.

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18. Why do restaurants sometimes leave the paper tip on the straw? We trust you with the rest of our food, we’ll trust you with our straw.

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19. Why is drinking beer from a straw not a widely accepted practice?

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20. Are these straws used for anything other than bubble tea?

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21. What is the cap on these water bottles for? It’s not like it’s going to stop liquid from leaking out. Also, it just hits you in the cheek.

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22. Is it really true if you make a knot with a straw wrapper and it stays, it means your crush is forever?

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23. Is there anything in the world worse than this?

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Oh wait, there is.

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