1. Gather ‘round, children, to hear the tale of the greatest man who has ever lived.
2. His name is Fred Durst.
3. Fred is the singer of a band. A band called….. Limp Bizkit.
4. With his Limp buddies, Fred was the voice of a generation.
6. Whoa, Fred’s switching it up on us, he’s got a furry bucket hat now. Fred, you keep us on our toes!
8. Fred directed Jesse Eisenberg in a movie. He’s a Renaissance man.
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9. Fred made love to many princesses. Like Christina Aguilera.
10. And the loveliest princess in the land, Britney.
11. Here’s Fred’s impression of what Christina and Britney did to him:
12. Fred, that’s not a real lady, you ham!
14. He sued the sites that released it because he was so embarrassed he was like “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”
15. Fred has cool friends. He even dedicates one of his songs to Ben Stiller, because that’s what good friends do.
16. Fred has so many cool friends because he’s pretty much the coolest guy around.
17. Wes is Fred’s friend, but Wes is kind of a dick.
18. That’s ok, because Fred has other friends who actually APPRECIATE him, like Method Man.
19. When Fred wore this shirt, he made The Smiths cool.
20. Hey, is that the Korn dude? Whoa, Fred is friends with the Korn dude. I wonder if the Korn dude lets Fred touch his H. R. Giger microphone stand.
21. There was some lame-o who made a really uncool acoustic guitar song called “Faith”.
22. Get outta here, gramps! You’re yesterday’s news.
23. Fred Durst is about to make this song freakin’ AWESOME!
24. Fred plays by his own rules. Get your dumb rules away from Fred HE WON’T LISTEN TO THEM.
25. Seriously, just give it up already with all those rules. Fred does not give a flying fig about your rules.
27. And that, children, is The Legend of Fred Durst. C-ya!!!!!!
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