1. Gather ‘round, children, to hear the tale of the greatest man who has ever lived.
2. His name is Fred Durst.
3. Fred is the singer of a band. A band called….. Limp Bizkit.
4. With his Limp buddies, Fred was the voice of a generation.
6. Whoa, Fred’s switching it up on us, he’s got a furry bucket hat now. Fred, you keep us on our toes!
8. Fred directed Jesse Eisenberg in a movie. He’s a Renaissance man.
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9. Fred made love to many princesses. Like Christina Aguilera.
10. And the loveliest princess in the land, Britney.
11. Here’s Fred’s impression of what Christina and Britney did to him:
12. Fred, that’s not a real lady, you ham!
14. He sued the sites that released it because he was so embarrassed he was like “NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”
15. Fred has cool friends. He even dedicates one of his songs to Ben Stiller, because that’s what good friends do.
16. Fred has so many cool friends because he’s pretty much the coolest guy around.