Stop Slicing Fruit Like A Friggin Caveman

We don’t live in goshdang caves anymore, so why are you cutting your food like you just discovered fire? Instead of just a knife and a cutting board, fill up your kitchen drawers with a whole array these incredibly specific items that do one thing and one thing only! posted on

1. Pineapple slicer. Don’t slice your ‘napples like a Neanderthal.

2. Another pineapple slicer

3. Strawberry stem remover, duh.

4. Single cherry pitter

5. Multi-cherry pitter, for a true pitboss.

6. Banana slicer

7. Banana slicer - this one slices whole ‘nas at once.

8. Peach wedger. Not for apples, mind you, just peaches.

9. Avocado pitter/slicer combo. Dang those pits!

10. Mango splitter. What, you split your mangoes with a knife? Get the fuck out of my office.

11. Strawberry slicer

12. Starberry slicer with irresistably cute strawberry shape:

13. File folder-style tomato slicer. I guess you still have to use a knife like a rube, though.

14. Lettuce knife - I have NO idea what this even means

15. Dessert knife. Wait, isn’t this just the lettuce knife in pink?

16. Tomato huller. Did you know tomatos had hulls? Me neither, but I’m disgusted by them now.

17. Melon tickler

18. Herb scissors. Not regular scissors. For herbs.

19. Kiwi guard. Protect your ‘wis.

20. Lemon wraps. Like a condom for your lemons.

21. Lemon squeezer. Actually, I have one and use it all the time. Great tool.

22. Lime squeezer. No, you cannot just use your lemon squeezer, idiot.

23. Orange squeezer. Do I have to explain everything?

24. Apple corer/medieval torture device. This won’t look weird at all on your countertop.

25. Spiral vegetable slicer. Only a jerk would cut straight carrot slices.

26. Jalepeno corer

27. You’ll need the jalepeno corer for your special jalapeno popper roasting rack, of course

28. Grapefruit sectioner. Get rid of your serrated spoon, n00b

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