How To Tell If Your Cat Is Lying To You

Crack the code to your cat’s evil web of deceit.

1. Cats are always up to no good, and they’re always getting caught in the act. Luckily, it’s easy to read the signs when they’re lying to you.

2. Rapid fluctuations in pupil size.

“Did I just scratch up the entire side of your couch? Of course not. No sir. Certainly not me.”

3. They may lick their lips a lot.

“Vomit on the carpet? Oh, hmm, ahhhh, whew. Is it warm in here? Can I get a glass of water?”

4. A lying cat may attempt to avoid you altogether.

“No one here who knocked over a garbage can. No one here at all.”

5. If they’re pretending to play dead:

“Nothing here but a dead cat. Move along.”

6. They might feign incredulousness.

“Someone peed in the potted plants?! Oh. My. God. That’s just, sooooooo crazy.”

7. They may be compelled to return to the scene of their crime.

“Oooh what happened here? What a mess, gee.”

8. They may overzealously deny.

“No no no no no no. No, I did NOT just figure out how to knock the hamster’s cage off the dresser. I RESENT the implication.”

9. They may accuse someone else.

“Wasn’t me.”

10. Pay close attention to their ear language.

“The pillow was like this when I got here.”

11. They may attempt to distract you.

“Pee on your sweater? Oh yeah, check this out, look, I’m playing the piano. Have you ever seen a piano playing cat before? Probably not, wow, this is pretty impressive, huh?

12. They may try to make a quick exit to avoid the conversation.

“The Christmas tree was knocked over? Uh… Gotta go.”

“Oh, that broken lamp? byebyebyebyebybebyebyebye”

“Hey, what’s that over there?”

“All the black hair on the couch? BYE!”

17. They might not even try lying, because let’s face it: They’re not even sorry.

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