1. Twenties: Destination wedding in Fiji? It’ll blow my savings, but I’ll be there.
Wouldn’t miss the big day for the world!
2. Thirties: *looks at location* “Oh, nice.” *immediately checks “Regretfully Decline”*
3. Twenties: Crying when the bride walks down the aisle.
Such a magical moment.
4. Thirties: Sneaking out of the ceremony because your kid is crying hysterically.
Of course NOW is the time he picks to have a tantrum.
5. Twenties: Bachelorette party? EVENT OF THE YEAR!
Entire weekend is devoted to partying and getting fucked-up!
6. Thirties: Dinner and a feeble attempt to hit up a bar.
7. Twenties: “I can totally wear this dress again to a fancy event.”
It’s totally not a bridesmaid-y dress, you know? It just looks like a really cool formal dress.
8. Thirties: Accepting that you never go to the kind of “fancy event” that would require a floor-length pink ball gown.
WHAT, AM I GOING TO THE GRAMMYS?
9. Twenties: After the wedding, head to the after-party.
Hell yeah! Close down the bar!
10. Thrities: Leave as soon as the cake is cut.
The sitter has to get home by 11 p.m.!
11. Twenties: Going buck on the dance floor when the hit of the summer comes on.
This is my jam!
12. Thirties: Getting buck on the dance floor when the hits from 10 years ago come on.
Reminder that “Hey Ya!” is 11 years old now.
13. Twenties: DIY the perfect personal gift for your friends.
The perfect, meaningful gift that is SO about them as a couple.
14. Thirties: Get some random thing in your price range on the registry.
Enjoy your rice cooker or towels or whatever that was.
15. Twenties: Getting to meet your college friend’s high school friends you’ve heard so much about.
It’s so amazing to finally meet all the people in your bestie’s life!
16. Thirties: Meeting your college friend’s new work friends.
Who ARE you monsters?
17. Twenties: Flirting with hot friends of the groom.
Oh hello, fellow single people dressed up real nice.
18. Thirties: Making awkward small talk with the creeps at the singles table.
19. Twenties: Bravely putting your phone away to really enjoy the moment.
Let’s experience this amazing day IRL, you know?
20. Thirties: Frantically texting the babysitter.
Timmy swallowed WHAT?
21. Twenties: Gotta go out and buy a new outfit!
New shoes and a clutch too!
22. Thirties: Figuring out which dress you already own that you haven’t worn to a wedding for that group of friends already.
OK, I wore that to Jen’s wedding but there won’t be anyone from that same wedding at Lisa’s…
24. Thirties: OPEN DESSERT BAR!!!
HELL FUCKIN’ YEAH, BITCHES!!!!
25. Twenties: OMG mason jars? Too cute!
Gotta remember to do this for MY wedding!
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