Style

21 Things Guys Should Avoid Wearing This Spring

Just no.

We asked Fashion Bros hosts Lawrence and James to walk us through some of the must-avoid trends for the spring.

They know what they’re talking about.

1. Fedoras.

AFP

Lawrence: The boy band that strugs together, stays together.
James: Fedoras: Distracting people from everything else that’s wrong with boy bands since 1996.

2. Shirts with profanity on them.

 

James: Chances are if you own some of these shirts you’re already banned from being near schools and playgrounds, so I guess it’s sorta no harm, no foul.
Lawrence: I mean, if you’re not offending the entirety of the human race with what you’re wearing, are you even wearing anything at all?

3. Clothing with any sort of molly reference.

 

James: Goes great with the molly-water, butt-chugging funnel you bought in Daytona Beach.
Lawrence: Please turn yourself down until you no longer exist on a physical plane.

4. Capri pants.

 

Lawrence: Looking like Rafael Nadal minus, like, all of the wins ever.
James: Aren’t hand-me-downs supposed to go the other way?

5. Gladiator sandals.

 

James: Nah, not entertained.
Lawrence: Buttholitus Maximus.

6. Leather pants.

 

James: Bye, non-roasted sperm.
Lawrence: Swamp-ass incubators.

7. Leather tank tops.

 

Lawrence: The contradiction inherent in a leather tank top alone is enough to make me sweat bullets.

8. Speedos.

 

James: Smuggling in limes one at a time isn’t gonna solve the citrus crisis, bruh.
Lawrence: Can smuggled grapes get a tan line?

9. This.

 

James: Wow. Professional dart players have brutal rookie hazing rituals.
Lawrence: Thanks for helping me aim when I kick you in the nuts for wearing such a stupid fucking piece of clothing.

10. Boater hats.

 

Lawrence: You’re not Andre 3000.
James: Please just float away forever.

11. Hoodies under blazers.

 

Lawrence: Bro black tie.
James: Basic bro uniform for spring/summer 2014 to infinity.

12. Deep V-neck tees.

 

James: These Game of Thrones characters are so sad.
Lawrence: Finally, a V deep enough for whatever is left of your soul to escape your body.

13. Tube socks.

 

James: If these are standing up on their own, you have a problem.

14. Shirtlessness*

MTV

*Unless you’re Best Shirtless Performance Winner Zac Efron.

Lawrence: As a disfigured formal male model I cannot endorse this.

15. Popped collars.

 

James: Pop one for every DUI your dad got you out of!
Lawrence: Pop one collar for every time you’ve been sexually frustrated!

16. White sunglasses.

 

Lawrence: Douche tested, Scott Storch approved.
James: Write “Soulja Boy” on the lenses or you are blowing it.

17. Skechers Shape Ups.

 

James: If improving your butt selfies is really a goal, then your summer bucket list needs work.
Lawrence: I don’t care how swole your calves look: If you wear these in public you are the enemy.

18. Spring scarves.

 

James: The only thing more worthless than the five minutes spent watching Fashion Bros.
Lawrence: Please, go ahead and tell me what the point of warm weather scarf is. It’s OK, I’ll wait.

19. Tevas

 

James: I didn’t know “spelunking with Obama” was on your itinerary.
Lawrence: At this point you might as well go full narc dad and wear some white socks too.

20. Beanies.

 

James: I guess this is how Mazda Miata owners spot one another in the wild.
Lawrence: Be a gentleman and empty out that reservoir tip.

21. Suits with sneakers.

Jason Merritt / Getty Images

Steve Finn / Getty Images

 

James: Aw man, now I wanna have a bar mitzvah as a grown man!
Lawrence: Damn, you childish.

22. And check out the very latest and greatest from Fashion Bros here.

With a special shout-out to BuzzFeed (awwww).

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