1.
"What do I do with a graduate degree in 18th Century French Literature, anyway?"
2.
"Guys, shut up. My eyelash hurts."
3.
"Ugh. Left my thermos of organic heirloom brew on the credenza in the foyer."
4.
"When you look into the abyss, the abyss also looks into you."
5.
"Did I leave the hair dryer on?"
6.
"My gondola, where has she gone?"
7.
"Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?"
8.
"Mommy and daddy dropped us off at the mall all alone???"
9.
"I HAVE ALL THE SADS."
10.
"No, no, you go to the Barney's Warehouse Sale without me."
11.
"My kitten, I have lost her."
12.
"Dad won't let me play in the Battle of the Bands."
13.
"Son, your band embarrasses me."
14.
"The hood expresses my existential dilemma."
15.
"My whole life is like that Pharrell song—but the opposite."
16.
"Plant, you're my only friend."
17.
"Man, like, what is the point of biology class, anyway?"
18.
"I really miss my Tamagotchi."
19.
"I really shouldn't have eaten those nachos."
20.
"I swear, girl, that wasn't my fart."
21.
"Bro, it's cold in here."
22.
"Bro, sooooo cold in here."
23.
"Forgot where I parked the Prius. Sorry."
24.
"What even is the point?"
25.
"What even am I looking for in my ridiculous Muppet-lined coat?"
26.
"Should have stopped at Chipotle."
