This Is An Actual Movie Hollywood Is Making

Wait… What? posted on

Original Photo by Brandon Cole/naturepl.com Jack Moore

Jon Turteltaub, who is famous for his work on the National Treasure series and the seminal film Cool Runnings has been signed on to direct and develop a movie called Beached. What’s it about? Let’s let The Hollywood Reporter tell you.

Beached centers on a chubby 4-year-old child who falls overboard during a family outing, is raised by whales and goes on to become an Olympic swimmer.

Some questions immediately raised by this premise:
• How does this chubby 4-year-old breathe underwater?
• How do the whales communicate with the kid?
• Is this all somehow a cutting takedown of childhood obesity?

The answer to these and all other questions: WHO CARES?! This is the greatest film premise in history, and is at least as believable as The King’s Speech. Like that would ever happen. (What’s that? No way. Who would choose to go by Bertie?)

Don’t get too excited though. This movie has been in development since 1997, so by next week when the Olympics have further faded from memory it may end up at the bottom of some intern’s desk again.

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