The Best Mascots In Baseball

This list was crafted from rich mahogany. So you know that it must be good.

1. The Phillie Phanatic: Philadelphia Phillies

Why: The Phillie Phanatic is in a class of his own. He’s a green creature of some undistinguishable origin, but he’s so much more than that. In the world of mascots the Phanatic is a true original in a land of imitators (Wally The Green Monster in Boston, Slider in Cleveland, etc).

2. Bernie Brewer: Milwaukee Brewers

Why: He’s a brewer that used to slide into a giant mug of beer every time a Milwaukee player hit a home run. Sure they’ve neutered him a bit lately (now he slides onto a platform shaped like home-plate), but still, a town as awesomely drunk as Milwaukee deserves a drunk mascot.

3. Lou Seal: San Francisco Giants

Why: Well, he’s a giant seal with awesome orange sunglasses. Hard to argue against the merits of that. Plus he’s a he, which means they totally ignore the fact that Lou Seal is a homonym for Lucille, which would be a natural mascot play on words. That’s hilarious. I love Lou Seal.

4. The Oriole Bird: Baltimore Orioles

Why: The point of a mascot is to cause joy in fans. Well the O’s mascot is so uncreative that he might actually be the funniest in sports. His full name is “The Oriole Bird” but fans call him “The Bird” for short. And that’s all he is, an anthropomorphized version of an Oriole. If that doesn’t make you laugh, I don’t even want to know you.

5. Slugger: Kansas City Royals

Why: A lion wearing a crown is always awesome. That’s just a simple fact. Even in Disney’s Robin Hood. Lion Prince John was a pain in the ass, but he still looked cool.

6. Mariner Moose: Seattle Mariners

Why: Because he’s hardcore. He once broke his ankle when he ran into the outfield wall while being dragged by an ATV on rollerblades. That’s fantastic. My hometown Cleveland Indians had a playoff mascot injury, but Slider just fell off the wall while dancing. What an idiot.

7. Mr. Met: New York Mets

Why: Anyone who’s gone to as many Mets games as this guy deserves some kind of humanitarian award. Putting him on the list was the least I could do.

If we forgot anyone (unlikely!) yell at us in the comments.

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