China’s Guan Tianlang spent his Sunday winning the Asia-Pacific Amateur Championship and therefore qualifying for the 2013 Masters. No matter how you look at it, this is an impressive feat. It becomes more impressive when you learn that Guan Tianlang is only 14 years old. Here’s a list of things that I did when I was 14 years old:
• Started high school.
• Played a lot of Halo and NBA Live 2003 (the one with Jason Kidd on the cover).
• Learned to hide the Internet history on my computer.
• Snuck out of my friend’s house when we’d have sleepovers to meet the girl who lived up the block on the cul-de-sac.
• Learned that the girl up the block liked me, but didn’t like me, like me.
• Listened to a lot of gangster rap.
• Played golf with my friends at the local public course, but spent most of that time trying and failing to master the Happy Gilmore drive.
Now let’s compare that to Guan Tianlang:
• Won a golf tournament that will make him the youngest person in history to play at the Masters.
And that’s the only thing we even need to see on that list (even though he probably knows how to hide his Internet history too; kids are so tech-savvy these days). Tianlang’s amazing 71 on the final day of the tournament is enough to make most people feel shitty about themselves. But that’s before he started talking about being a fan of the Masters (per ESPN):
Guan said he has been watching the Masters every year since 2005, when Woods hit a chip from behind the green on the par-3 16th that hung on the lip for a second before it took one last turn and dropped for birdie, carrying him to a playoff win and his fourth green jacket.
SINCE 2005! When he was SEVEN YEARS OLD. GAH. Why are you so good at stuff, China?