Charles Barkley Is The Best Storyteller In Sports

Listen to Chuck talk about NCAA violations, Scottie Pippen, and Dirk Nowitzki as a teenager.

What makes this so great?

1. Presentation

Chuck is in a locker room, surrounded by people (one of whom is Dirk Nowitzki), telling a story about Dirk Nowitzki. Now where many people would position themselves so that everyone was in front of them (including Dirk), Chuck knows better. He places himself in the middle of the crowd so that Dirk is over his shoulder. so people can see Dirk’s reactions to the story, as it’s being told. This is a pro move, though, truthfully, it probably never crossed his mind. If ever there was anybody who would just want to be the literal center of attention, it’s the Round Mound of “I Was Going To Get A Blow Job”.

2. He Talks Shit

Andrew D. Bernstein / NBAE / Getty Images

When introducing the characters in this story, most people would let the awesome names speak for themselves. Michael Jordan. Dirk Nowitzki. Charles Barkley. Scottie Pippen. This is a story with four Hall Of Famers in it! But Charles isn’t content to let his story rest on the laurels of its stars. No, he has to let people know exactly what he thinks about about those stars. “This is when Scottie was quote, unquote ‘the best defender in the world.’”

Scottie Pippen is one of the best defensive players to ever play basketball. Chuck doesn’t care. Quote, unquote, motherfucker.

3. He Readily Admits To Trying To Break NCAA Rules

How do most people respond to questions about their involvement in NCAA rule violations?
•”I don’t recall.”
•”We did nothing wrong.”
•”The Ohio State University will look into these allegations.”

How does Charles Barkley talk about it?
• “I call Nike and I say, ‘Find out about [Dirk]. Tell him, I’ll give him anything he wants to go to Auburn.”
• “We’re in the SEC…. In the SEC we make sure you’re well taken care of.”
• “Everyone wants to give us a hard time about giving Cam Newton $200,000. That’s called a good damn investment. We got him for $200,000? Are you kidding me? That’s a good deal. I wish my accountants could do stuff like that.”

4. He’s Enthralling

Look at Dirk’s face! He’s enraptured. Chuck Barkley is like This American Life for jocks (note, I would totally listen to a Chuck Barkley version of This American Life).

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