1. Tom Brady ‘95
Apparently big boys only play in the tall grass? Did Tom make this expression up? It doesn’t follow logically. Why do big boys play in tall grass? Isn’t there some nicely trimmed grass around?
2. Larry Bird ‘74
I feel like I’ve seen this guy every time I ride the L train into Brooklyn.
3. Brett Favre ‘87
He’s actually signing a picture of his penis in the photo.
4. Mike Ditka ‘57
Before the anger there was air guitar.
5. Derek Jeter ‘92
I’m just going to say it, Derek looks high. He looks high.
6. Michael Jordan ‘81
MJ already seems like an asshole in these photos. I’m sorry did I say “asshole”? I meant “competitive.”
7. Joe Namath ‘61
“I want to kiss you on the mouth.”
8. Nolan Ryan ‘65
Nolan Ryan. Looker.
9. Barry Bonds ‘82
Bond’s jheri curl was definitely on the juice.
10. Tiger Woods ‘94
Right after this photo was taken, Tiger had sex with this girl in a Perkins parking lot. True story.
11. Mark McGwire ‘81
Wise words Mr. McGwire. Wise words.
12. Reggie Bush ‘02
Cheer up Reggie, you’re going to get to sleep with Kim Kardashian! You don’t know who that is? She’s the daughter of the guy who helped get OJ off. Huh… Good question. I’m not sure why it’s a big deal either. She has a big ass, I guess. So there’s that… Look just trust me in the future people will care about this. (Time travel conversations are tougher than you’d think.)
13. Clyde Drexler ‘80
Clyde has a perfect afro. It’s literally perfect.
14. Ben Roethlisberger ‘00
Is this the man that touched you?
15. Drew Brees ‘97
Drew Brees is a noble son of a bitch. Period. I swear he could run for office.
16. Hines Ward ‘94
Okay Hines is cool and all, but I demand to know what happened to Chad Simmons.
17. Matt Leinart ‘01
Do we really still consider him an athlete?
18. Tony Romo ‘98
Little known fact, Tony Romo was on Party of Five. What’s that? He wasn’t? Then why does this picture exist?
19. Philip Rivers ‘99
I love that Philip Rivers was a dork. Just look at him. It’s great.
20. Gus Frerotte ‘89
Presented without comment.
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