The Definitive Ranking Of Noodles From Worst To Best

From Tuscany to Tokyo, this is your no-fail guide to carb delivery devices. posted on

25. Angel Hair

DO YOU LIKE PULLING HAIR OUT OF THE DRAIN? THEN WHY DO YOU EAT THIS PASTA?

24. Fettucine

EVERYTHING WAS OK UNTIL IT GOT PIMPED OUT BY ALFREDO SAUCE

23. Udon

ENJOY YOUR GLOOPY BLANDWORMS WHILE I EAT REAL PASTA WEIRDO

22. Alphabet Pasta

EATING THIS PASTA IN ITALY IS PUNISHABLE BY DEATH

21. Ziti

PENNE’S SIMPLE COUSIN NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM BUT PROBABLY NOT COLLEGE MATERIAL

20. Penne

BABY’S FIRST PASTA

19. Lo Mein Noodles

OH COOL GREASE EVERYWHERE HOPE YOU BROUGHT A TARP

18. Rotelle

THIS IS A LIST OF PASTA NOT BABY FOOD

17. Lasagna

NO ONE EATS LASAGNA NOODLES UNLESS THEY ARE STACKED FIVE HIGH AND CRAFTED INTO A MEAT AND CHEESE TOWER. THE DRYWALL OF PASTA

16. Really Big Stuffed Shells

SEE: LASAGNA

15. Macaroni

ONLY GOOD WITH GRUYERE MOVING ON

14. Farfalle

WHAT GOOD IS CUTE PASTA IF YOU CAN’T EVEN PICK IT UP

13. Couscous

YES IT’S PASTA YES IT’S PRETTY GOOD 6.1/10

12. Spätzle

THE BEST THING TO COME OUT OF GERMANY SINCE THE PRINTING PRESS, MAYBE BETTER

11. Ramen

THE 99% LOVE IT THE 1% LOVE IT WILL RAMEN UNITE AMERICA? ONLY TIME WILL TELL

10. Chow Fun Noodles

THIS NOODLE IS BASICALLY THE SAME AS LO MEIN BUT BIGGER, FLATTER, AND WITH A SASSY NAME. APPROVED

9. Bucatini

IT’S THICK SPAGHETTI WITH A PIPELINE IN THE MIDDLE FOR MORE SAUCE. A. SAUCE. PIPELINE.

8. Gemelli

A HEARTY MACHO PASTA THAT’S IN TOUCH WITH ITS CURVY FEMININE SIDE

7. Pho Noodles

SIMPLE, CLEAN, CLASSY, SMART. MARRIAGE MATERIAL

6. Papparadelle

FUN TO SAY FUN TO EAT HOLDS FLAVOR HOLDS A PLACE IN MY HEART

5. Ravioli

YAY FLAVOR PURSES FOR DINNER

4. Tortellini

RAVIOLI’S FUN OLDER BROTHER WHO WILL ALWAYS BUY YOU BEER

3. Soba

ON THE ONE HAND YEA IT’S “JUST” BUCKWHEAT ON THE OTHER HAND IT’S LIKE EATING THE NEWEST SNOWFLAKE ON THE PEAK OF MT FUJI AND THAT’S “JUST” WATER

2. Orechiette

HEAR US OUT: EAT THIS EAR-ESISTIBLE PASTA

1. Spaghetti

THE CHANEL NO. 5 OF PASTA

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