10 Incredibly True Facts About Comedy Central’s Amy Schumer, According To Amy Schumer

100% true facts from the woman whose hit show, Inside Amy Schumer, finishes its first season on Tuesday night.

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1. She’s never voted.

“Not even in a school election, or even when someone asks where I want to get dinner. I never throw my two cents in. I just don’t want to get started. I think once I start sharing my opinion or voting, it’s just going to take all my time. Even if someone’s like, ‘Is it hot out or cold out?’ I’m like, ‘Just please Google the weather because I’m just not going to voice my opinion on it.’”

2. In college, Amy was a toe model.

“Just my toes, and only on one foot, because shit kind of hits the fan once you got past the toes on my feet. But my toes are beautiful, in perfect order. I was sleeping on the beach, because that’s where I was living at the time, and someone walked up and said, ‘What are these?’ And they took all the newspaper off my body and they saw my face, so they were like, ‘No, just the toes.’ By the end, my day rate was $2,500, but they usually only needed one picture. It was per toe.”

3. She’s dated all of The Roots.

“I dated Black Thought the longest. Before he had a family. I still consider him my family.”

4. Remember Newsies? She was in almost every scene.

“I’m an extra, dressed as a boy. I’m wearing a newsboy cap and yelling about unions. I wasn’t mic’d, but if you pay really close attention, you can see me, I’m under Christian Bale and he’s spitting on me because he has a lisp. Also, he’s my number one crush in that movie — my top crush is Christian Bale in Newsies. We had a lot of interactions, but he thought I was a boy so he would usually just kind of gossip with me about things, like, ‘Oh I just hooked up with that girl, you know what that’s like, bro?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, I do!’ It was like a modern-day Yentl.”

5. Her godmother is Who’s The Boss star Judith Light.

“Both my mom and dad chose Judith Light. She lived across the hall from us when I was a kid, living on the Upper East Side. My parents ended up getting divorced, but she didn’t want to choose between them as friends, so they both chose her.”

6. She trains nightly with a Guyanese Olympic boxer.

“I tell him all my secrets and he judges me. He doesn’t fully speak English, so I feel like he doesn’t care, but he can probably get a sense of what I’m saying is unacceptable. I’m training to fight him.”

7. She takes a horse-drawn carriage to every show.

“Whether it’s in the West Village, or Poughkeepsie, or anywhere, I will take a horse-drawn carriage. It makes scheduling almost impossible; I only do five shows a year, and only at venues that have stables. I always use the same driver, Meriwether Pickford, and when his horse dies, I’m quitting stand-up. I’m cool with him doing any other work, but he knows my itinerary comes first. I give him tons of notice, but I’ve never paid him. It’s kind of an issue because both of my parents are, and continue to be, pedicab drivers.”

8. Roller Derby? She invented it.

“Yes, a time machine was involved.”

9. She has a fear of aunts — all aunts.

“On both my father’s side and mother’s side, my aunts are really bad people. They all have personality disorders and I don’t trust them. I have a serious phobia of aunts. I’ve never met an aunt of anyone’s that I’ve trusted. My brother and sister both know that if they have kids, I will cut them out of my life, because technically I will be an aunt.”

10. She “doesn’t know how to count to 10.”

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