We Asked Marvin The Martian His Opinion On 10 #EarthlingProblems

Marvin the Martian is back on Earth and is threatening to destroy us once and for all. Is there anyone who can stop him?

Courtesy of Nike / Chuck Jones

Marvin the Martian, a beloved Looney Tunes character, has spent the last two millennia trying to destroy Earth so he can see Venus. The soft-spoken antihero has some opinions on this planet he seemingly cannot eliminate.

1. Selfie Sticks

Courtesy of Nike / Chuck Jones

"Humans are quite an interesting specimen. They invent devices to help them communicate with each other more efficiently, and then they invent holding apparatuses to avoid communicating with other humans."

2. Not Telling a Friend When They Have Something in Their Teeth

Courtesy of Nike / Chuck Jones

"Teeth?"

3. Celebrity Gossip

Courtesy of Nike / Chuck Jones

"We have no need for such pointless activities. While Earthlings bicker over which video star has the more elegant attire, we are advancing our weaponry to conquer your helpless people. We once had celebrities on Mars, but they have been disintegrated and used as fuel."

4. Not Picking Up After Your Dogs

Courtesy of Nike / Chuck Jones

"Creatures on Earth are less efficient organisms in every way imaginable, including with their *ahem* waste."

5. Satellites

Courtesy of Nike / Chuck Jones

"Do you Earthlings have any idea how difficult it is to drive to work now? The atmosphere is covered in useless technology. I crashed my spaceship in Las Vegas just the other day."

6. Aging

Courtesy of Nike / Chuck Jones

"Martians have evolved beyond ‘age’. Look at me — I could still defeat your mightiest basketball star on the court."

7. People Justifying Froyo as "Healthy"

Courtesy of Nike / Chuck Jones

"I would shake my head at that."

8. The Mars Rover

Courtesy of Nike / Chuck Jones

"When it first appeared, I thought, ‘Oh goody! A new spaceship? Just for me?!’ While I appreciate the gesture, you silly humans forgot to include seats, air conditioning, and a disintegrating pistol. More worthless junk, I suppose."

9. Gravity

Courtesy of Nike / Chuck Jones

"Simple-minded creatures, your Earth gravity confines you to your planet like prisoners. The gravity on Mars is superior. 62% more superior to be precise. I theorize that even with my smaller stature, I could produce the best dunk this world has ever seen."

10. Deciding if an Undershirt Will Hide Your Sweat or if It'll Make You Even Sweatier

Courtesy of Nike / Chuck Jones

"This interview bores me. Goodnight, puny Earthlings."

All images via Thinkstock unless otherwise noted

Marvin later unveiled that his plans to destroy humanity will involve a basketball showdown on August 4th to end Earth once and for all. Paging Blake Griffin — help?

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