11 Fake Movies We Wish Would Get Made

Isn’t it a bummer that so many of these “movies” are only conceptualized with a 10 minute short? Jimmy Kimmel is finally moving to 11:35 on ABC! Because we’re not looking forward to the next superhero franchise to see a “gritty, modern” reboot, we’re celebrating with 11 “movies” that need a full script, right now.

1. Angels With Filthy Souls

The movie that Kevin is watching throughout the Home Alone series seems like a real gut-busting classic… but don’t expect to find it at your local Blockbuster. No, not just because Blockbusters have mostly been turned into vacant, sketchy locations for drug deals. Because it hasn’t been made (yet).

2. Death Blow

There are a ton of fake movies mentioned in Seinfeld, but we think this is the most appealing one by far. It’s a bummer that Jerry and Kramer left the movie before they found out what the death blow is. We want answers. “When someone tries to blow you up, not because of who you are, but for different reasons altogether.” WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

3. Satan’s Alley

Tropic Thunder was a movie in a movie, but that didn’t stop it from establishing the “careers” of its main characters through a few other movies presented as trailers before the film. Haven’t you always wondered what kind of a movie wins the Beijing Film Festival’s “Coveted Crying Monkey Award”? Starring five time Academy Award Winner “Kirk Lazarus,” and MTV Movie Award Best Kiss winner “Not Frodo”.

4. Movie: The Movie

A cast the size of New Year’s Day, and this time, you might be laughing for the right reasons. Sure, the plot looks pretty dense, but apparently people LOVE movies with a hundred celebrities, as long as they don’t make any sense.

5. Austinpussy

The movie that kicks off Goldmember was a parody of the parody series (featuring an all-star cast of course). It would totally be OK if the entire film was just Danny DeVito smoking a cigar and being disgusting and running around with Kevin Spacey laughing at children and breaking stuff.

6. Who Dat Ninja?

Tracy Jordan’s Kung Fu tour de force came as no surprise, considering his stellar performances in such titles as Black Cop/White Cop, President Homeboy, and A Blaffair To Rememblack.

7. Les Cousins Dangereux

George Michael Bluth’s favorite movie of all time looks like it’d be quite the weird romp in foreign film. We’re just interested in watching it for the articles.

8. Gandhi 2

This sequel, briefly featured in the Weird Al film UHF, looks incredible. “No more Mr. Passive Resistence.” Starring director Jay Levey as a pipe-wielding, sports car driving maniac Gandhi on a mission to bring peace to the world… with his fists.

9. Fake Purse Ninjas

How much money would you pay to see a full 90 minutes of the martial arts masterpiece Fake Purse Ninjas, starring Kit Ramsey and Bowfinger? Honestly, this style of fight scene could carry an entire movie, probably.

10. Any Documentary By Steve Zissou

Although we’re particularly interested in Born On The Ganges, any elongated shots of Steve being a complete weirdo and interacting with pseudo-made-up sea creatures would make for an incredible drinking game. “Drink every time you feel incredibly awkward.”

11. Angels Live In My Town

No, it’s NOT the second album from the CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED CANADIAN PUNK ROCK BAND Belvedere. It’s two porn stars who decide to make an action movie together. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO RIGHT? Boogie Nights was fun and all we guess but really, who wouldn’t want to watch sixteen hours of Mark Wahlberg and John C. Reilly with open shirts, pointing guns at random stuff with lots of nauseating camera zooms?

In case you missed it, the trailer for Movie: The Movie

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