Use When: Describing Justin Bieber, who seems to release new singles every day, is still on his Believe tour, and still finds time to mentor/promote Carly Rae Jepsen.
Use As: A way to disagree with someone who told you to read “50 Shades of Grey” if you want to learn about men.
Use When: You’re surprised just how quickly the latest Katherine Heigl movie went straight to DVD.
Use When: You’re trying to explain how you felt since seeing Tom Cruise’s body in the new “Rock of Ages” trailer.
Use When: Explaining why you never see Steve Buscemi’s teeth when he smiles.
Use In: A conversation with someone who believes Donald Trump should really be President.
Use When: Thinking about how Simon Cowell describes Paula Abdul to his friends.
Use When: Talking about how Kate Middleton’s entire wardrobe is amazing.
Use As: A response to your friend who tells you she plans to wine and dine Justin Timberlake away from Jessica Biel.
Use To: Insult someone who doesn’t believe Bill Murray is all that great.
Use When: You’ve heard that Bill Cosby “forgot” to tip his waitress again.
Use To: Tell the Secret Service agent who’s taking the Obama girls to a Beyoncé concert that he won’t need to bring a jacket.
Inpsired By ZZ Top’s New Song, “I Got To Get Paid,” And Jeremiah Weed, The Best Southern Beverage
Use When: Enjoying all summer has to offer.
Hotter than seven hells
So good it would make a puppy pull a freight train
She couldn’t bust a grape (toothless people)
I’m buzzin like a bee (buzzin = tipsy drunk) Those are just the ones we use around the house. Ours aren’t that long and drawn out. We do say, “Colder than a witch’s titty in a brass bra,” but we never mention the location of said witch (iceberg, snowstorm, etc.). Anyone from the south who says they’ve never heard these should hang around more old people. Every old person I know can never just come out and say that it’s hot out. They always have to draw it out. I like that, and I’m happy we still talk like that sometimes. It can be really fun and makes you think about what you want to say. The best northerner’s have is. “It’s hot. Really hot.” Southerner’s could write a novel about how hot it is just to get the point across.
I am from the south. The real deep south. Y’all know, the one bordered by the gulf on the south, Kentucky on the north, Missippi’ river on the west and eastern Georgia on the East plus Arkansas. Basically, the top 5 winners in any loser contest ever held. Baked by the sun until it is overdone. I concur that southerners are clever, with a subtle sense of humor and a delightful hominess, that is why I moved to Seattle after 50 years. Here are some deep south phrases:
“Bless Her Heart”
“I’m fixin’ to _____________”
“Where ya at on ____________.”
“Come here, Baby Girl.”
“Madder than a wet hen”
“Well,Butter my butt and call me biscuit”
“Stronger than 40 rows of garlic”
“If I was any better, there would be two of me” (after 50 years, I still can’t figure that out.
“So good, it will make you want to slap yo, Mama” And we like to close with a little Elvis——Thank You, Thank You, Very Much. Y’all come back now, Ya Hear!!!
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I’m Southern and we don’t use most of these. I guess it depends on what part of the South you’re from. I do love the similes and we do use these:
Slicker than snot on a doorknob
As nervous as a whore in church
Sweatin’ like a fat black lady in church
More trapped than a fart inside of pantyhose
Like stink on shit
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To all the complainers: I don’t see how this list is insulting to Southerners. Just because no one YOU know says these things doesn’t mean they aren’t or haven’t been said. And they don’t make Southerners look like ‘bumpkins’ - most of them are actually pretty clever. With that said, I personally like to use “More nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full o’ rockin’ chairs!” Lighten up ya’ll, and add some fun to your conversations. :)
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