1.
OK, bedtime. I am so ready for this.
2.
Oh no, bladder. How is this possible? I just emptied you!
3.
Ah, that's better. Hang on. No. No, that's actually impossible. I can't need to pee again!
4.
Body, I'm about to have a newborn. Can't you let me enjoy my sleep now?
5.
Actually, maybe I'll be really lucky and the baby will love sleep as much as me. We could be nap buddies!
6.
But what if the baby wakes up before me and switches the oven on or something?
7.
Well, that's not very likely. The baby wouldn't even be able to reach the oven.
8.
Ugh, I have that meeting tomorrow I need to look presentable for. I wonder if that Forever 21 dress will stretch over my bump?
9.
Does being a mom mean that I have to stop shopping at Forever 21?
11.
I wonder if cursing in my head is going to affect the baby. I've gotta cut that shit out.
12.
Speaking of shit...did we decide if we were going for disposable diapers or the cloth kind?
13.
And what about the stroller? I really need to quit stopping moms on the street to ask if they would recommend theirs. It's a little creepy.
14.
Why haven't I figured this out already? I'm going to be the worst parent ever!
15.
OK. OK, calm down. Remember the breathing from birth class.
16.
OMG THIS BABY IS GOING TO HAVE TO COME OUT OF ME.
17.
I really, really need to sleep now. But why am I so hot?
18.
Oh, the massive, fluffy cat sprawled across my legs. That's why.
19.
Poor cat. His life is going to be very different when he's not the center of attention any more.
20.
What if he really hates the baby, though? Or sits on it?
21.
Finally, the cat moved. I better pee again while I have the chance.
