1. When you just miss the subway.
Is there a sight worse than rushing onto the questionably dirty platform only to see the F train inching away? It’s laughing at you.
2. When you hit “reply all” instead of “reply.”
Now the whole company knows that you can’t participate in the charity fun-run because you’ve got a colonoscopy that afternoon. Weep into your hands if you want. It will do you no good.
3. When your dentist gets mad at you for not flossing enough.
As if you flossing twice is day is essential to the structural integrity of their self-worth. He’s making your gums bleed on purpose, you know.
4. Encountering the blue screen of death.
Should you have treated your computer better? Should you not have ignored the antivirus updates? Should you have gotten a Mac? These are the questions.
5. Getting splashed with gutter water.
Try not to think about the literally unlimited possibilities of what sort of gross stuff was hanging out in that gutter.
6. Talking yourself into buying a $14 cocktail.
Sure, you could have grabbed a $6 bottle of wine and enjoyed it with a loved one in the comfort of your home. But the experience, man. The experience.
7. Realizing you didn’t lock the door when you’re already in bed.
You’ve never been more comfortable than you are in that moment before you get up to lock that door. And you’ll never be that comfortable again.
8. When you forget your headphones on a long subway ride.
Now you have to listen to the incoherent ramblings of a gentleman who is wearing shoe boxes instead of shoes. Learn from him.
9. Dealing with Facebook envy.
So she and her fiance just ran a marathon together, so what? So she met Ryan Gosling at a party hosted by her agency, so what? So he complimented her eyes, so wha - ok, that’s enough.
10. Finding a passive aggressive office note.
Open and honest communication is overrated, and you know it.
11. Finding out at the end of the day that you’ve had a bit of breakfast burrito in your teeth all day.
One has to wonder why no one said anything. It seems malicious.
12. Bills, Bills, Bills.
In priority order: Internet, Electricity, Heat.
Yes. We know. Internet is still first.
13. A 3AM false-alarm evacuation.
Some prankster decided it would be funny to force the entire building out into the cold in the dead of the night, and you’re not even getting a snack as a reward for leaving.