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    21 Times R.L. Stine Was So Sassy It Hurt

    "My job: to terrify kids."

    1. On apps:

    I hope you will all buy my new app. The app tells you when you're about to buy an app you don't need.

    2. On buying his books:

    Interesting statistic: If you all bought 1 Goosebumps book a month, it would be enough books to reach from here to my bank.

    3. On talking about the weather:

    Looking forward to more snow tonight. I don't think people have been talking enough about the weather.

    4. On Christmas:

    Isn't this Christmas morning? Why are you on Twitter.

    5. On Zombie Halloween:

    Has there been a mistake? Zombie Halloween didn't win a National Book Award?

    6. On Kickstarter:

    Thank you all for joining my Kickstarter. Only $1 away from buying me a cheeseburger deluxe for lunch. You're the best!

    7. On John Travolta:

    Does anyone know where I can buy the new Adele Dazeem CD?

    8. On Blockbuster:

    I sold all my Bitcoins. Too risky. Am investing all my money in the wave of the future--Blockbuster stores.

    9. On his grandson:

    Please don't look at this pic of my grandson Dylan Stine. We want to respect his privacy.

    10. On living abroad:

    I'm so glad I live in New York City and not in the United States.

    11. On Valentine's Day:

    Where do I get my fresh Valentines hearts? At the police morgue in the Village. (You have to know someone.)

    12. On children:

    ..it's perfectly acceptable--and hilarious-- to ridicule a child.

    13. On his birthday:

    So, what are you all doing for my birthday on Wednesday? Don't go to any trouble.

    14. On Canada:

    My books here in Calgary are translated into Canadian, I think. Hope I can read them.

    15. On New Year's resolutions:

    I can't decide whether my New Years resolution to be more decisive is a good idea or not.

    16. On animal videos:

    Does anyone know where I can find some cute animal videos? Doctor says I need to throw up this morning.

    17. On technology:

    My Palm Pilot is acting strange and won't let me access my Friendster account. Any suggestions?

    18. On Simon Cowell:

    A British woman says she is allergic to Simon Cowell. She says any glimpse of him causes chest pain, cold sweats, & vomiting. #youtoo?

    19. On the Goosebumps movie:

    Release of the Goosebumps movie has been moved up from March, 2016 to August, 2015. Please don't start standing in line yet.

    20. On the Jets:

    Question: Should I keep watching the Jets week after week, or should I shove two pencils through my nostrils into my brain?

    21. And on this "cute" dog:

    Thanks for that, R.L. Stine.