The 12 Stages Of Every Night Out

What, you have work tomorrow? C’mon, that’s quitter talk! Satisfy those after-hours hunger pangs with Jack’s Munchie Meal™, only at Jack in the Box after 9PM.

1. “What’re you doing after work?”

Sure, I could go for a quick drink.

2. “Next round’s on me!”

I can stay for a little longer. Breaking Bad doesn’t even start for another hour.

3. “This is my song!”

And so is this! And so is this! These are all my songs and they’re all about me!

4. “Uh-oh, it’s selfie o’clock.”

You know what looks better in sepia? EVERYTHING.

5. “I am best friends with the bartender.”

HE GETS ME AND I GET HIM AND WE ARE SOULMATES.

6. “I AM BEST FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE IN THE BAR.”

How I Met Your Mother / CBS / Via fuckyeahhowimetyourmother.tumblr.com

This is my new family. Sorry, old, lame family.

7. “Phew, what time is it?”

I’m good just…. just let me rest my eyes for, like, seven to eight hours.

8. “Knock knock — who’s there?”

The Big Lebowski / Working Title FIlms / Via reactiongifs.com

SECOND WIND, BABY. I AM ENERGIZED AND INVINCIBLE AND I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVER.

9. “I’m hungry. Who’s hungry?”

Ghostbusters 2 / Columbia Pictures / Via punningman.tumblr.com

I.e. I’m fixing to order enough cheese fries to feed a literal orphanage and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.

10. “Initiating food coma in T-minus 3… 2…”

EITHER CALL ME A CAB OR READ ME A STORY BECAUSE BEDTIME IS IMMINENT.

11. “Is that the sun? It can’t be the sun.”

Check your watch, dude. It’s definitely the sun.

12. “Hello bed, my old friend.”

Let’s never be apart again. I’m going to sleep in you for roughly 14 hours now.

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