Jackie Ivers
 
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    • Jackie Ivers

      I once stayed the night at The Crescent Hotel in Eureka Springs, Arkansas with a couple of friends. It is supposedly the most haunted hotel in America. We did the ghost tour, which was dumb, but pretty fun. We explored a bit afterwards, and kind of got our selves spooked. I swear that something or someone kept pressing the buttons on our air conditioner window unit all night. We kept hearing clicking sounds, and then the air conditioner would turn on or off, or change from hot to cold. None of had the courage to get out of bed, but the next morning, we tried to recreate the sound, and the clicking we had been hearing was most definitely the sound of the buttons on the air conditioner. Not exactly terrifying, but still pretty creepy.

    • Jackie Ivers

      My freshman year, while living in the dorms, my neighbor was this awful guy who we called Chet the Douchebag. Anyways, one night, he apparently discovered that his girlfriend (who he met because their mothers met in an Olive Garden bathroom and set them up, yeah I know) was not a virgin. Which was apparently an issue even though he was a pretty self-proclaimed Casanova. So naturally, when he found out, his first instinct was to run outside and throw up, then get really drunk and go on a rampage destroying the bathroom he shared with 15 other people. Toilet paper everywhere, punched the paper towel dispenser off the wall, etc. He definitely earned the tile of Chet the Douchebag that year.

    • Jackie Ivers
       

      Okay, so I was going on a first date with this girl when I was in high school. We were going to this gourmet pizza restaurant before seeing a movie. When we got there, I asked her what she wanted to eat, and she said she wanted a pepperoni pizza…the only issue being that pepperoni goes right through me and gives me the shits like crazy. Well, trying to impress her and make sure she was happy, I went along with it and we ate almost the whole large pizza. We still had a while before the movie started, so we decided to go walk around the Target next door. We got to the back part of the store, as far as possible from the rest rooms, and it hit me. Hard. It was coming, and fast. So, I slyly suggested we go to the bathroom then head over to the movie and get our tickets. Casual. So, we start walking toward the front of the store and my salvation, and at about the Maternity Clothes section, I realized I wasn’t going to make it. And I didn’t. As I pushed the bathroom door open, my sphincter lost its long battle. I pooped my pants. So, I quickly waddled into a stall and very carefully took off my pants and underwear. Luckily, I hadn’t overflowed into my actual jeans, so naturally, I just cleaned myself up and (I’m not proud of this last part) tossed my shitty Captain America underwear into the corner of the stall and quickly left. Some poor Target employee had to throw them away. Luckily, she never knew what had happened because I’m apparently just that smooth! Sorry Target!

      ftw