Okay, so I was going on a first date with this girl when I was in high school. We were going to this gourmet pizza restaurant before seeing a movie. When we got there, I asked her what she wanted to eat, and she said she wanted a pepperoni pizza…the only issue being that pepperoni goes right through me and gives me the shits like crazy. Well, trying to impress her and make sure she was happy, I went along with it and we ate almost the whole large pizza. We still had a while before the movie started, so we decided to go walk around the Target next door. We got to the back part of the store, as far as possible from the rest rooms, and it hit me. Hard. It was coming, and fast. So, I slyly suggested we go to the bathroom then head over to the movie and get our tickets. Casual. So, we start walking toward the front of the store and my salvation, and at about the Maternity Clothes section, I realized I wasn’t going to make it. And I didn’t. As I pushed the bathroom door open, my sphincter lost its long battle. I pooped my pants. So, I quickly waddled into a stall and very carefully took off my pants and underwear. Luckily, I hadn’t overflowed into my actual jeans, so naturally, I just cleaned myself up and (I’m not proud of this last part) tossed my shitty Captain America underwear into the corner of the stall and quickly left. Some poor Target employee had to throw them away. Luckily, she never knew what had happened because I’m apparently just that smooth! Sorry Target!