Here's what happens when you look up stock photos of couples with books:
1.
"All he does is read."
2.
"She used to go wild when I chewed on my glasses while Powerpointing. Now? Nothing."
3.
"She doesn't even get mad when I eat in bed anymore."
4.
"Do you think I should shave my goatee, dear? Dear?"
5.
"Guess I'll just put on my headphones and pretend I'm at the gym."
6.
"Maybe she'll love me again if I give her a pedicure."
7.
"This pillow is my wife now."
8.
"You keep reading, baby. I'll keep fantasizing about the things I want to do to your buddy Josh."
9.
"If I started masturbating, would she notice?"
10.
"His nipples look at me more than he does. Maybe if I play dead."
11.
"My day was good, Mr. Remote Control. How was yours? ...Sigh."
12.
"'Curls for girls,' I say. But does she care? No."
13.
"I wore my whitest boxers and he doesn't even notice."
14.
"We both changed into women and he still doesn't even notice."
15.
"Time to pretend I'm asleep while passive aggressively farting on him."
16.
"Jesus, you're not even reading. You're just posing like the author photo."
17.
"You're not the only one who wants to escape to a land of fantasy, Martha."
18.
"Yes, I sold the house. Also? My new boyfriend is here. He's a pigeon."
19.
"What he doesn't know is that I poisoned his coffee."
20.
"Sometimes I worry that we'll be like this forever."
