1. Copy notes from an overhead projector…
Always followed by the teacher blocking the view.
2. …and secretly pass other handwritten notes in class.
Do you like me?
☐ Yes ☐ No
3. Write on a chalkboard with real live chalk.
And circling something and writing “Save” so the janitor didn’t erase it.
4. Make textbook covers out of paper grocery bags.
5. Tear off the edges of dot matrix paper.
Even more oddly satisfying.
6. Check out library books with the due date stamped in the back.
Amelia Bedelia got around.
7. Watch educational programming supported by viewers like us.
“No, wait — we passed this part. No, no — go back! Yeah, here!”
8. Sharpen pencils the old-fashioned way — by hand.
“OK, class, who can tell me wha—” brrrrrraaagghhh
9. Carry around giant five-subject notebooks and binders.
The more zippers the better.
10. Sell magazines door to door for the annual school fundraiser.
“Only 98 more subscriptions and I can win a limo lunch!”
11. Beg Mom to buy Goosebumps and Animorphs at the book fair.
Book Club forever.
12. Save our work onto 1.44 MB floppy disks.
Fourth-grade hack: turning on write protection.
13. Learn to type from memorizing nonsensical mnemonics.
Quick Ask Zoe — what?
14. Look up words on an electronic spell checker.
But mostly to play Hangman.
15. And, finally, lose an ox while fording the river.
And, conflabbit, we liked it.