1. “She’s definitely doing the tongue thing.”
Yes, there were lots of tongues. There were Miley fans with hair nubbins who stuck their tongues out, Miley shirts for sale with tongues on them, and, of course, this giant tongue slide hanging out of this giant Miley head that Miley slid down at the beginning of the show while singing “SMS (Bangerz).”
2. “It’s awesome.”
Miley danced around with neon-colored furries, which, depending on your definition of the word, could very easily be classified as “awesome.”
Miley did a little twerking, as did her dancers. She also spanked one of her dancers and everyone in the crowd seemed excited about that bit.
4. “Of course.”
Ahhhh, yes, marijuana leaves. For “Love Money Party,” Miley rode out on a golden car wearing an outfit covered in marijuana leaves, and there was an immediate and noticeable increase of people smoking marijuana in the arena. Of course.
5. “Do you know what song this is?”
Yes, it’s “Can’t Be Tamed,” the 2010 hit in which Miley first attempted to shed her Disney image, though less successfully than she did this time around. She sang the song while dancing around a large dog. I often catch myself forgetting Bangerz isn’t Miley’s first post-Hannah Montana album, which I guess is exactly what she hoped we’d all do. The unfamiliarity with the few songs she performed off of earlier albums really highlighted what a big deal Bangerz has been for rebooting her image and career.
6. “Katy Perry’s here!”
Yes, she was. She was sitting up near the front, and during “Adore You,” she kissed Miley.
7. “I was hoping she’d trade out the weiner for a wrecking ball.”
Same. For “Someone Else,” Miley rode a giant hot dog through the air. Unfortunately, it was the only thing she rode through the air during the show. There were no actual wrecking balls.
8. “Wre-cking-ball! Wre-cking-ball! Wre-cking-ball! Wre-cking-ball!” (chanted the same way we chant “U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” when we’re proud of our hockey team)
Miley saved most of the big hits for the end of the night, so there was a lot of pent up demand for “Wrecking Ball” and the handful of songs people have actually heard on the radio.
9. “U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” (chanted the same way we chant “U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!” when we’re proud of our hockey team)
Miley closed the show with “Party in the U.S.A.” There was red, white, and blue confetti; people dressed as the Statue of Liberty, Mount Rushmore and Abraham Lincoln; and everyone sang along. It’s the closest our generation has to its own “Proud To Be an American.” Or something.
10. “That bitch is grown-up.”
Yes, it seems she has. The show was everything you’ve come to expect from Miley Cyrus.
11. “I love Miley!”