1. Have an extravagant mansion. And a pool. And a Zebra (floatie?).
2. Prepare elegant hors d’oeuvres and authentic desserts.
3. Have fun dressing up!
Feel free to take cues from the movie on this one.
4. Maybe avoid green strobe lights?
Art by Kate Beaton.
5. Invite lots of shallow people that know nothing about you.
9. Don’t forget to invite that annoying friend who never shuts up and who is always just around, lingering. They’re gonna hear about it anyway.
10. Walk around saying “old sport” a million times in a stilted accent and see how long it takes before someone loses it and kills you.
12. Relatedly, feel free to make whatever music you want the soundtrack of the party. Anything mildly jazzy. Or not. Just whatever you feel.
13. Stand around gripping the static image of the past that you’re so desperately holding onto.
Take casual sips from your drink and hope the fireworks in the background distract from your slow descent into madness.
15. Actually, yeah maybe just dont have a party at all… Has anyone read the book?
16. Spend all the energy you would have put into a party into making sure everyone knows you’ve read the book.
18. Never die. Defy all known properties of the universe. Become a metaphor.
- Illinois' attorney general has asked the U.S. Department of Justice's Civil Rights Division to investigate Chicago's police department. ›
- Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg says he'll give away 99% of his Facebook shares (worth $45 billion today) over the course of his life. ›
- And a Turkish court had to call in experts to determine whether a man comparing the country's president to Gollum from "Lord of the Rings" was an insult. ›