You just paid more than twice the retail price for something that’ll be free on the plane. Owned.
Did you just buy peanuts? With money? Haha! You’re insane. We love you. Now scram.
19. Corn Nuts
Crunchy! Salty! A little bit like eating human teeth! If you are eating corn nuts you are probably from the past and terrified of planes. On the other hand, how about that 1889 World’s Fair?
Well, well, well. Look who’s unconcerned about stinking up the whole plane. You are a monster.
We love fries. LOVE ‘em. But they’re a weak choice for a snack because if you bring hot fries on a plane everyone’s going to be mad at you. And cold fries are an abomination. #RealTalk
Potato chips are not your friend. A real friend wouldn’t suck all the water out of your body and make you desperate for the flight attendant with the drink cart who — like Godot, Guffman, and Lefty — ain’t coming anytime soon. (#spoiler)
15. Mini Chocolates (Regular)
Is it Halloween? No? Because you know if people in masks are running around the plane it’s not a good sign. And if it’s not Halloween, what are you doing with a whole bag of mini chocolates. You gonna share? Really? No you’re not. You’re going to eat them all, you ghoul.
14. Sad Wrapped Sandwich
Mazel tov, you just paid $3 for an apple. We get it. You’re made of money. Go away.
12. Energy Drink
Drink up, Spazatron. Why would you want to sleep through a flight when you can sweat and fidget for five solid hours?
11. Protein Bar
You liftin’ on the flight, bro?
Fritos smell exactly like dog paws. That’s not necessarily a bad thing or a good thing, but it is a scientific fact. So depending on how you feel about dog paws, you might want to move Fritos up or down on this list.
9. Trail Mix
Hey look, it’s sugar and fat and carbs in a health-conscious disguise. No shade, though: Trail mix is an airport mainstay and won’t betray you.*
(*Unlike betrayal mix, which will totally betray you.)
8. Gum (Domestic)
Not technically a snack, but don’t fly without it — it’s a great defense against ear popping and, more importantly, a failsafe against Doctor StankBreath in seat 17C.
7. Sports Drink
Oh, we get it. You’re hungover. No judgments.
6. Gummy Worms
King of the candy invertebrates.
5. Gum (Foreign)
If you’re flying back to the States and you don’t load up on weird jasmine-and-elderberry gum for your friends back home, why are you even traveling?
4. Mini Chocolates (Fancy)
Look, you’re obviously eating a gift you bought for someone else, but you know what? You deserve it.
2. Cinnamon Buns
Sometimes we book a flight just to have an excuse to eat these things. Did you know that cinnamon buns purchased at an airport have zero calories?
Haters gon’ hate. Eat your salad, champion.