1. “Creative” selfies.
When your match’s selfies are 1) angled, 2) heavily filtered, 3) partial-faced, 4) squishy-faced, or 5) taken from far away, it’s a clear warning sign that they’re hiding something. Most importantly, they are hiding a lack of confidence, which is a BIG no-no.
2. The “Oh, what? No, I definitely wasn’t flexing/posing — the camera just caught me this way” profile picture.
You’re so vain, I’ll bet you think this post is about you.
3. The “Oh, what? No, I’m definitely not showcasing my boobs in this totally candid and certainly not posed” profile picture.
These are also the types of girls that’ll get mad at you for not being interested in their personality.
OK, so if the person you’re talking to online keeps making excuses as to why they can’t 1) meet you in person, 2) Skype with you, or 3) talk on the phone… they’re probably definitely fake. C’mon guys, there’s a movie and a TV show about this!
5. When your match is sooo cultured.
When your match’s profile is essentially a list of all the countries they’ve traveled to, books that they’ve probably never read, and other exaggerations to make them seem cultured — the only thing that that says about them is that they know how to use Wikipedia.
6. When the profile surpasses its quote quota.
If your match’s profile is inundated with quotes they read in a spa bathroom, then think twice. The only worthy thought is an original thought. Oh! We’re putting that quote in our profile!
7. The old Where’s Waldo trick.
When there are so many people in your match’s picture that you have no idea who you’re talking to.
8. The “Croppy McCropperson.”
When whoever you’re talking to doesn’t have a better picture than the one he just cropped himself out of from last year’s bachelor party, you have to wonder how often they leave the house.
9. The “I don’t really do online dating — my friend made this profile for me” move.
If your match won’t own up to actually signing up for online dating, then they are not worth your time and attention.
10. “Casual” suitors.
If anyone tells you they’re looking to keep things casual, then run for the hills. These types are the dating equivalent of revolving doors. But hey, at least they’re being honest?
11. Nondescript job titles.
When someone’s job title on their profile reads “self-employed,” or something shadier like “personal trainer at freelance,” you’re free to assume that that’s code for unemployed and free to hope that it’s not code for escort or drug dealer.
If your match’s hobbies don’t align with yours, it’s safe to say that not much else will align.
13. Bottle bragging.
If all your match’s pictures are of them at clubs or VIP sections holding bottles of champagne, it probably means that they’re hiding behind some “baller” facade. Like a fine wine, allow these types to mature before giving them a try.