10 Noisy Ways To Hide Your… You Know… Bodily Noises

You know when you wake up and you know it’s just gonna be one of those gas-tastic days? It’s not a problem if you have Gas-X® around. But if you don’t, sometimes you have to improvise. Here are some situation-specific noise-makers you can use to give yourself some cover.

1. Create a distraction

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Remember in Do the Right Thing how Mookie threw that trash can through that window? Who’s to say he wasn’t about to get his toot on? This technique is also called “changing the narrative.”

2. Find the nearest parade

This one takes a little advanced planning, but so does eating four chili dogs. Also, if you have your own bagpipe and are part of the parade, you are doubly safe.

3. Crack open a soda

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For bonus points, have an animal open a soda. Then if there is an olfactory component to your conundrum you have a built-in patsy.

5. Turn it into a beat-boxing routine

Nobody will hear your over the wild applause.

6. Two words: vuvuzela time

8. Run a vacuum or other loud appliance

10. Get real angry and DEMAND to know who did this horrible thing

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