1. Hawaii Chair
You know what else “takes the work out of your workout”? Nothing. Because it’s literally in the word itself.
2. Gazelle Freestyle
In the great animal kingdom, nothing is less graceful than a spandexed human on a Gazelle Freestyle. Preliminary science suggests you burn just as many calories laughing at Tony Little’s quips and swinging ponytail.
3. Ab Circle Pro
Ab Circle Pro exists in a strange alternate universe where half circles count as full circles, anyone can be a “pro,” and everyone has fake fire in their abdominal muscles at the end of the workout.
4. iJoy Ride
There’s a horseback-riding-inspired fitness craze sweeping the nation and it’s time to saddle up. You could also stick to the once-in-a-lifetime mechanical bull ride and call it a day.
5. Neckline Slimmer
What if I told you that you that in just 2 minutes a day, you too could have a plastic spring balanced under your chin while furiously miming “yes”? Well, now you can, all for a low low payment of your dignity + 1 neck ache.
6. Crazy Fit Vibration Plate
The primary goal of the Vibration Plate seems to be getting you to lay various body parts on it until your teeth chatter hard enough to stop. Cheap substitute: off-balance washing machine
7. JumpSnap: The Ropeless Jump Rope
When you’re done working out, stay hydrated with a Bottle Snap: it’s a water bottle, without the water!
8. Brazil Butt Lift
This at-home exercise tape brings you all the way to the tropical island of your living room, where a trainer talks about your butt way too much. You too can be a Brazilian supermodel if you do all these leg lifts!
9. Sauna Pants
After you finish your workout, you’re going to want to relax and keep sweating. Strap on these pants and flip the switch to “most moist.” Because nothing helps you feel healthy like a hot lap. Ew.
10. “Slimming devices”
Thank goodness for machines, amirite ladies?? These outdated devices remind us of a time when health and fitness meant telling women they needed a cold metal contraption to shake the “bulges” away. No thanks, 1940s, we know way too much about creepy shaking products here in this century.
Inspired by Freelancers Medical
Investing in your health is about more than just 3 easy payments of $19.99. Freelancers Medical, a program of Freelancers Insurance Company, gives members access to a revolutionary health program which allows patients to create health plans to match their lifestyle and unique schedule.